From me to all of you. (Even the ones that think I'm a dick)
I hope Santa empties his sack all over your house this evening
Wishing you all a safe, happy and PB filled 2024.
Sloppy kiss with tongues
I hope Santa empties his sack all over your house this evening
Wishing you all a safe, happy and PB filled 2024.
Sloppy kiss with tongues
Merry Christmas and wishing everyone a great new year
M
M
In reply to Post #1
Merry Christmas to one and all.
Merry Christmas to one and all.
In reply to Post #1
Merry Christmas mate,hope you and yours have a good one 👍 Merry Christmas to everyone else too
Merry Christmas mate,hope you and yours have a good one 👍 Merry Christmas to everyone else too
In reply to Post #1
Happy Xmas everyone
roll on 2024, big year for us all hopefully. personally and professionally
Happy Xmas everyone
roll on 2024, big year for us all hopefully. personally and professionally
Merry Christmas everyone!
In reply to Post #2
Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy new year guys
Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy new year guys
Merry Christmas, and a happy and fortuitous New Year to all!
(Even the cheating bait boaters
)
(Even the cheating bait boaters
)
Happy Christmas everybody, I hope Santa brings you everything you ever wished for 
In reply to Post #2
Have a great one everybody.
Have a great one everybody.
Merry Christmas folks
Stay safe and tight lines
Stay safe and tight lines
In reply to Post #2
Merry Christmas and happy new year to yourself too Sir and also to all of my readers.
Merry Christmas and happy new year to yourself too Sir and also to all of my readers.
In reply to Post #12
I hope you have sent the builder and the neighbour a card?
I hope you have sent the builder and the neighbour a card?
In reply to Post #1
Merry Xmas - all best for 2024 . . . . .cheers
Merry Xmas - all best for 2024 . . . . .cheers
Ye old Christmas joke for the forum ....Old but gold....
The old piano one....
Allow me to tell it again.....
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
****ing get in there you ****!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the ****ing manager of this pig***** middle class **** hole please you ****', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat piece of *****, I saw your poxy advert in the ****ing window and I'm here to audition.....****er.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed ****, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just unloaded in your daughter's eye, and now the ****'s blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'Err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".'
'W*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful melody which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the ****box you get crap on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any tunes with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ring piece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but your titles are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your tunes or speak to the audience.'
'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty.
The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a stunning blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your
trousers, and come is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I ****ing wrote it !!!'
Regards Tad.
The old piano one....
Allow me to tell it again.....
An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
****ing get in there you ****!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the ****ing manager of this pig***** middle class **** hole please you ****', he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat piece of *****, I saw your poxy advert in the ****ing window and I'm here to audition.....****er.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed ****, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just unloaded in your daughter's eye, and now the ****'s blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'Err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively".'
'W*nker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful melody which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the ****box you get crap on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any tunes with less offensive titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ring piece", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but your titles are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your tunes or speak to the audience.'
'F*ck it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty.
The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a stunning blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your cock is hanging out of your
trousers, and come is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I ****ing wrote it !!!'
Regards Tad.