Anyone got any tips to do it amicably with 2 kids?
Try to work out and agree on all the important things. Kids , money, payments, support, assets, house. Wills.
Write everything down and both sign it.
Hopefully it stays amicable if not get a separate lawyer then get a separation agreement .
Good luck.
Write everything down and both sign it.
Hopefully it stays amicable if not get a separate lawyer then get a separation agreement .
Good luck.
In reply to Post #1
Welcome to MGTOW. Ive worked in family law for a number of years. When it comes to an end Ive seen it done both well and very badly. Are you able to sit down together and discuss desirable outcomes? Its tough because you are currently going through a mechanism that is forcing you apart. A good part of your future wealth can easily go into trying to win.
As an aside, in almost all cases there is absolutely no reason for males to get married. However, most do because the female and her crew make it impossible to avoid. The church, the courts, Beyoncé and society have developed a way that heaps growing pressure on the male to give up half his hard earned wealth and his entire home if kids are involved. This is in the public interest but it does not favour the male. Any hard working male who wishes to retire to enjoy the fruit of the labour would be insane to get married.
Welcome to MGTOW. Ive worked in family law for a number of years. When it comes to an end Ive seen it done both well and very badly. Are you able to sit down together and discuss desirable outcomes? Its tough because you are currently going through a mechanism that is forcing you apart. A good part of your future wealth can easily go into trying to win.
As an aside, in almost all cases there is absolutely no reason for males to get married. However, most do because the female and her crew make it impossible to avoid. The church, the courts, Beyoncé and society have developed a way that heaps growing pressure on the male to give up half his hard earned wealth and his entire home if kids are involved. This is in the public interest but it does not favour the male. Any hard working male who wishes to retire to enjoy the fruit of the labour would be insane to get married.
In reply to Post #1
You don't stand a chance of it being amicable imo.Where children and money are involved the woman always wants the lot.Is it a mutual agreement to split or have you just had enough?
You don't stand a chance of it being amicable imo.Where children and money are involved the woman always wants the lot.Is it a mutual agreement to split or have you just had enough?
In reply to Post #1
The only people who benefit from a messy divorce/separation are the lawyers. Try to get as much agreed in principle before you start. Limit the amount of £200 letter they like to send to each other.
But be warned, at some point down the line she's going to try to shaft you. They all do. Women are ****s.
The only people who benefit from a messy divorce/separation are the lawyers. Try to get as much agreed in principle before you start. Limit the amount of £200 letter they like to send to each other.
But be warned, at some point down the line she's going to try to shaft you. They all do. Women are ****s.
In reply to Post #1
first off - sorry you find yourself there mate. It's horrible.
things will only remain amicable if you can talk openly and honestly and ALWAYS put the feelings of your children first.
Solicitors will drive a wedge between you - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not but it just seems to be hardwired in them to - as Justin says - 'win'. Try at all times not to see it in those terms - because once it heads that way, nobody wins.
Be careful with your words - learn to count to ten / read any emails at least 5 times before sending them - and then (where possible) leave them as a draft for a few hours so you don't react emotionally in the heat of the moment.
Look forward rather than backward to try and avoid raking over old arguments. Ask 'what can we do?' rather than focusing on what's already been done.
don't text / call late at night or after a drink. too easy to say the wrong thing when tired.
I'm speaking as someone who's done it and not got it all right. If you ever need to, drop me a PM
good luck mate
first off - sorry you find yourself there mate. It's horrible.
things will only remain amicable if you can talk openly and honestly and ALWAYS put the feelings of your children first.
Solicitors will drive a wedge between you - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not but it just seems to be hardwired in them to - as Justin says - 'win'. Try at all times not to see it in those terms - because once it heads that way, nobody wins.
Be careful with your words - learn to count to ten / read any emails at least 5 times before sending them - and then (where possible) leave them as a draft for a few hours so you don't react emotionally in the heat of the moment.
Look forward rather than backward to try and avoid raking over old arguments. Ask 'what can we do?' rather than focusing on what's already been done.
don't text / call late at night or after a drink. too easy to say the wrong thing when tired.
I'm speaking as someone who's done it and not got it all right. If you ever need to, drop me a PM
good luck mate
You'll get the outside and the Mrs gets the inside.
Good luck.
Good luck.
In reply to Post #3
This thread really shouldn't be here. It's a private matter and not for carp forum.
This thread really shouldn't be here. It's a private matter and not for carp forum.
In reply to Post #8
Why is that?Matt is just asking for some advice
Why is that?Matt is just asking for some advice
Read an article recently that said three things will come out of this pandemic.
Lots of babies
Lots of Divorces
Lots of Bankruptcy
Lots of babies
Lots of Divorces
Lots of Bankruptcy
In reply to Post #1
You have such a hard road ahead, sympathy from one who tried it.
Start with a divorce arbitrator rather than lawyers to settle finance and property. It's expensive but keeps it all courteous and transparent. A mistake I made, among many, was to agree to take things slowly but on reflection it probably does less damage to push it along quickly. The best thing was that I managed to stay close to my children (which can be more difficult than it first appears) but many I know did not and feel the pain to this day.
Good luck
You have such a hard road ahead, sympathy from one who tried it.
Start with a divorce arbitrator rather than lawyers to settle finance and property. It's expensive but keeps it all courteous and transparent. A mistake I made, among many, was to agree to take things slowly but on reflection it probably does less damage to push it along quickly. The best thing was that I managed to stay close to my children (which can be more difficult than it first appears) but many I know did not and feel the pain to this day.
Good luck
In reply to Post #1
Go for the custody of the kids! Be the dad they want to be proud of!
Go for the custody of the kids! Be the dad they want to be proud of!
In reply to Post #6
Good advice about the Solicitors, they are out to milk you with their £100 letters etc. I know a lad and he did the completely wrong thing, ended up in a stand off of situation with his wife, trying to screw each other other, back and forth to the solicitors, ended up costing him around 16k!!!
When I got divorced I had had enough and and we came to some kind of amicable agreement. Which for me is the best way forward. I gave her a note pad and said, 50 / 50 split, write down what you want I will have the rest, I'm going fishing lol.
We negotiated the list, to be fair, superficial things don't really bother me, there just objects and it was near on done. The one thing I did learn is there's nowt worse then woman, nasty bitches when they want to be, like cats. She was talking to some scoured woman at work which changed her mindset, trying to shaft me with everything, I want this now, OK I will swap you lol
One thing that really pissed me off, bitch cleared the loft out when I was at work and binned a load of my stuff, she wasn't bitter
Cost me around a grand
Life goes on mate.. Onwards and upwards, all part of our journey
In summary I would advise that you see a solicitor, the first consultation is usually free. It will put you mind at ease. Try your absolute best to keep it amicable (even if you find it frustrating!) and come to an agreement and try and stick to it until it goes through
Forgot, bricks and mortar are a much better investment than flat screen TVs and cars etc...
If you can't come to an agreement my advice would be to sell the house and take you share, then move on.
On reflection one of the best things I did. I got pestered into marriage and my life's passions were not the same as hers. The only thing we had on common, we went shopping together now and again
Good advice about the Solicitors, they are out to milk you with their £100 letters etc. I know a lad and he did the completely wrong thing, ended up in a stand off of situation with his wife, trying to screw each other other, back and forth to the solicitors, ended up costing him around 16k!!!
When I got divorced I had had enough and and we came to some kind of amicable agreement. Which for me is the best way forward. I gave her a note pad and said, 50 / 50 split, write down what you want I will have the rest, I'm going fishing lol.
We negotiated the list, to be fair, superficial things don't really bother me, there just objects and it was near on done. The one thing I did learn is there's nowt worse then woman, nasty bitches when they want to be, like cats. She was talking to some scoured woman at work which changed her mindset, trying to shaft me with everything, I want this now, OK I will swap you lol
One thing that really pissed me off, bitch cleared the loft out when I was at work and binned a load of my stuff, she wasn't bitter
Cost me around a grand
Life goes on mate.. Onwards and upwards, all part of our journey
In summary I would advise that you see a solicitor, the first consultation is usually free. It will put you mind at ease. Try your absolute best to keep it amicable (even if you find it frustrating!) and come to an agreement and try and stick to it until it goes through
Forgot, bricks and mortar are a much better investment than flat screen TVs and cars etc...
If you can't come to an agreement my advice would be to sell the house and take you share, then move on.
On reflection one of the best things I did. I got pestered into marriage and my life's passions were not the same as hers. The only thing we had on common, we went shopping together now and again
In reply to Post #9
This section is general carp discussion. Not marriage guidance........ if the guy needs some advice fair enough, but not here. It should be in non carp stuff. Looking at the majority of the comments so far, much of the advice looks like woman blaming, not advice.
This section is general carp discussion. Not marriage guidance........ if the guy needs some advice fair enough, but not here. It should be in non carp stuff. Looking at the majority of the comments so far, much of the advice looks like woman blaming, not advice.
In reply to Post #14
Agreed. Feel sorry for you must be hard but this really isn't the place for marriage advice. Can't think of anywhere worse to air it tbh
Agreed. Feel sorry for you must be hard but this really isn't the place for marriage advice. Can't think of anywhere worse to air it tbh
In reply to Post #1
I went through this about 20 years ago.
Two kids (who were 11 and 9 at the time) so not ideal (when is it ever?)
We decided that the house was to be sold, she "allowed" me to take £12k out of the proceeds to put a deposit down on a new flat, and she took the rest.
Started out with a solicitor but as mentioned, very expensive. Pulled the plug on that and decided to go the 2 years separation route.
I put my deposit down on the flat, keeping enough back to buy me new, essential bits and pieces. I found it difficult initially, spending all my spare time doing up the flat. Eventually started going out again, and shortly after met Sam who was widowed.
Ex wife moved into rented accommodation and blew her share of the dosh.
That's when the problems started. It was then all about money, money, money.
CSA caused quite a bit of grief, but I got there in the end.
Fast forward to today, I am happily married again, my two kids have grown up and are no worse off for the experience.
Ex wife and I hardly speak to each other (no bitterness, just got nothing in common, which was what split us up in the first place). She's married again, so all's well that ends well.
It's tough, no-one can deny that. It's difficult to see what lies ahead. But it does get better given time.
Important thing to remember as far as the kids are concerned. I know it's difficult but don't spoil them rotten at visiting time. Treat them how you would normally, otherwise they come to look on their visits as "treat time" and forget the real reason why they are coming to see their Dad.
I went through this about 20 years ago.
Two kids (who were 11 and 9 at the time) so not ideal (when is it ever?)
We decided that the house was to be sold, she "allowed" me to take £12k out of the proceeds to put a deposit down on a new flat, and she took the rest.
Started out with a solicitor but as mentioned, very expensive. Pulled the plug on that and decided to go the 2 years separation route.
I put my deposit down on the flat, keeping enough back to buy me new, essential bits and pieces. I found it difficult initially, spending all my spare time doing up the flat. Eventually started going out again, and shortly after met Sam who was widowed.
Ex wife moved into rented accommodation and blew her share of the dosh.
That's when the problems started. It was then all about money, money, money.
CSA caused quite a bit of grief, but I got there in the end.
Fast forward to today, I am happily married again, my two kids have grown up and are no worse off for the experience.
Ex wife and I hardly speak to each other (no bitterness, just got nothing in common, which was what split us up in the first place). She's married again, so all's well that ends well.
It's tough, no-one can deny that. It's difficult to see what lies ahead. But it does get better given time.
Important thing to remember as far as the kids are concerned. I know it's difficult but don't spoil them rotten at visiting time. Treat them how you would normally, otherwise they come to look on their visits as "treat time" and forget the real reason why they are coming to see their Dad.
Im sure if he was bothered posts 14 & 15 he would not have asked the question on here, would he?
In reply to Post #17
So there's know where better to ask than a carp forum? Come on he must be able to speak to someone.
So there's know where better to ask than a carp forum? Come on he must be able to speak to someone.
In reply to Post #18
Your missing the point. Matt asked for advise. His choice, and how do you know that?
Your missing the point. Matt asked for advise. His choice, and how do you know that?
In reply to Post #19
Your completely right I think I am. Why am I commenting on a marriage post on a carp forum 🤦🏼♂️
Good luck matt hope it works itself out
Your completely right I think I am. Why am I commenting on a marriage post on a carp forum 🤦🏼♂️
Good luck matt hope it works itself out
In reply to Post #1
Well done for reaching out mate
Well done for reaching out mate
In reply to Post #20
lets hope he gets it sorted out and it suits his best interests
lets hope he gets it sorted out and it suits his best interests
In reply to Post #22
Both of you need a chance to start a new life,assuming you both work and earn a decent wage hopefully, my own thought is if one of you is moving on with a new partner they should give up more.
Both of you need a chance to start a new life,assuming you both work and earn a decent wage hopefully, my own thought is if one of you is moving on with a new partner they should give up more.
In reply to Post #14
I'm sure if it's not in the right section a mod will move it
I'm sure if it's not in the right section a mod will move it
In reply to Post #23
Lot of stress around currently due to Covid and people being together 24/7. Maybe both of you take a deep breath for the moment and see how you feel about each other when the world is back to normal (if it ever does).
Lot of stress around currently due to Covid and people being together 24/7. Maybe both of you take a deep breath for the moment and see how you feel about each other when the world is back to normal (if it ever does).
Hi All
Matt's about to go through a life changing event and has reached out to the forum so good on him. He could have posted it in the football thread section for all I care as it's more important than either section.
Matt I'm sorry for your situation, my divorce has been going on in the courts for last 17 years now (Not in the uk) best piece of advice I can give you is to avoid getting lawyers involved at all costs and try and do it amicably. Also make the children (Custody, access, visits etc) the number one priority above anything else.
It's a rocky road you are about to travel and I wish you well
Best
Jon
Matt's about to go through a life changing event and has reached out to the forum so good on him. He could have posted it in the football thread section for all I care as it's more important than either section.
Matt I'm sorry for your situation, my divorce has been going on in the courts for last 17 years now (Not in the uk) best piece of advice I can give you is to avoid getting lawyers involved at all costs and try and do it amicably. Also make the children (Custody, access, visits etc) the number one priority above anything else.
It's a rocky road you are about to travel and I wish you well
Best
Jon
In reply to Post #1
been here and have the tee shirt, mostly my fault i'll admit now, fishing and motorbike and not enough time with her, then she strayed ( cow ! ) ....... kids first ...always .. try and organise as much as possible , as solicitors will have open wallet surgery on you..check every text and email twice .....i don't know many that keep it friendly long term tbh but I hope it works out pal
been here and have the tee shirt, mostly my fault i'll admit now, fishing and motorbike and not enough time with her, then she strayed ( cow ! ) ....... kids first ...always .. try and organise as much as possible , as solicitors will have open wallet surgery on you..check every text and email twice .....i don't know many that keep it friendly long term tbh but I hope it works out pal
In reply to Post #27
This is not a women hating post.
In the recent drive by the BBC to increase awareness of domestic abuse in the home during lockdown, the entire emphasis was men beating women. In my experience the greatest misery is suffered by men at the hands of their wives who have become to despise their apparent weakness.
My Uncle George was hounded from the house by my Auntie until all he had was his pipe and his shed. The monster finally took those from him and he was left yearning for the grave. He found it and she cried croc tears at his funeral. As a ten year old, I saw it all.
This is not a women hating post.
In the recent drive by the BBC to increase awareness of domestic abuse in the home during lockdown, the entire emphasis was men beating women. In my experience the greatest misery is suffered by men at the hands of their wives who have become to despise their apparent weakness.
My Uncle George was hounded from the house by my Auntie until all he had was his pipe and his shed. The monster finally took those from him and he was left yearning for the grave. He found it and she cried croc tears at his funeral. As a ten year old, I saw it all.
In reply to Post #28
I'll have a chat with my brother
When he got divorced I think he read "How to get divorced badly" and thought "f*ck that ..... I can do a better job then the book"
Cost him about 500k but he says best money he ever spent
Watching it all unravel I would say try at the start to ask what she feels is reasonable and see if you agree ... If you do move swiftly before her "friends" advice her to go after more
Everything will come down to money and the kids if any sadly mate
Only known one fella get divorced happily and I think he was just glad to see the back of her
Oh ..... And hide your tackle safely somewhere, Seen a few sets up for sale by angry exes
I'll have a chat with my brother
When he got divorced I think he read "How to get divorced badly" and thought "f*ck that ..... I can do a better job then the book"
Cost him about 500k but he says best money he ever spent
Watching it all unravel I would say try at the start to ask what she feels is reasonable and see if you agree ... If you do move swiftly before her "friends" advice her to go after more
Everything will come down to money and the kids if any sadly mate
Only known one fella get divorced happily and I think he was just glad to see the back of her
Oh ..... And hide your tackle safely somewhere, Seen a few sets up for sale by angry exes
In reply to Post #29
"This shouldn't be on a carp forum"
Peopke had the option not to click the thread, rubberneck, then give zero advice though....bit like sticking your head into a pub, having a pint, then telling everyone else to only talk about their drinks
. Some people don't have the luxury of an avenue to get weight off their shoulders to friends, especially when the friends are friends with both parties. Plus, this avenue is impartial and unbiased to the poster.
As said previously, take a step back and look at the overall picture before taking that step. Trial separation (if you both believe all is not lost) is a fantastic route to go down. Whether it is 6 weeks or 6 months, that distance can help people assess what life will be like if that separation is permanent. Financially, if you're both still tied, you can obtain tax relief for the duration if you are living at separate addresses, which will help ease some of the financial burdens. When the time is right, sit down and talk with no outside influences.
Social media AT ALL is a no no. Don't do what my Mrs did and start posting soppy memes and attention seeking, which can go either way in terms of the advice they get. Thankfully, after 6 months she saw sense . I truly hope you think long and hard about this before calling solicitors, however, have an exit plan for now, and for the future, because if it's happened now, it could happen again. Suddenly.
Best wishes, and keep the chin up.
"This shouldn't be on a carp forum"
Peopke had the option not to click the thread, rubberneck, then give zero advice though....bit like sticking your head into a pub, having a pint, then telling everyone else to only talk about their drinks
. Some people don't have the luxury of an avenue to get weight off their shoulders to friends, especially when the friends are friends with both parties. Plus, this avenue is impartial and unbiased to the poster.As said previously, take a step back and look at the overall picture before taking that step. Trial separation (if you both believe all is not lost) is a fantastic route to go down. Whether it is 6 weeks or 6 months, that distance can help people assess what life will be like if that separation is permanent. Financially, if you're both still tied, you can obtain tax relief for the duration if you are living at separate addresses, which will help ease some of the financial burdens. When the time is right, sit down and talk with no outside influences.
Social media AT ALL is a no no. Don't do what my Mrs did and start posting soppy memes and attention seeking, which can go either way in terms of the advice they get. Thankfully, after 6 months she saw sense
. I truly hope you think long and hard about this before calling solicitors, however, have an exit plan for now, and for the future, because if it's happened now, it could happen again. Suddenly.Best wishes, and keep the chin up.
In reply to Post #1
Its happened to me. I will say this to you........ KIDS KIDS KIDS, thats all that matters. and if you do it right then the damage is less to the children. I basically have shared custody of mine, on average 15 nights a month spread over every other weekend and various nights during the week.
Also dont fall into the trap when the are looking to provoke, which she will, keep your cool and any disputes go through your solicitor.
finally make sure your doing the right thing. if you want to PM feel free
Ben
Its happened to me. I will say this to you........ KIDS KIDS KIDS, thats all that matters. and if you do it right then the damage is less to the children. I basically have shared custody of mine, on average 15 nights a month spread over every other weekend and various nights during the week.
Also dont fall into the trap when the are looking to provoke, which she will, keep your cool and any disputes go through your solicitor.
finally make sure your doing the right thing. if you want to PM feel free
Ben
In reply to Post #30
Last time l looked a forum is a form of social media?
Last time l looked a forum is a form of social media?
In reply to Post #31
Well done to everyone who has been through this offering help.
Nice one
Well done to everyone who has been through this offering help.
Nice one
In reply to Post #32
Not exactly like Facebook,twitter,Instagram is it.Mainly the ppl that visit the forum are anglers.People post crap on Facebook and before you know it all mutual friends and family know your business.Do your partner/children/family see what you post on here like they would on the likes of Facebook
Not exactly like Facebook,twitter,Instagram is it.Mainly the ppl that visit the forum are anglers.People post crap on Facebook and before you know it all mutual friends and family know your business.Do your partner/children/family see what you post on here like they would on the likes of Facebook
In reply to Post #1
say ill get the rods and reels and you can have the kids?
say ill get the rods and reels and you can have the kids?
Maybe a mediator could be useful to even out both interests in the first stages after which each could find legal assistance to formalize it. i know, it might sound softish, mediating and stuff, but it does seem to work in surprisingly many cases.
In reply to Post #36
mediation is good so long as both parties buy into it.
My ex refused it until it got to the point where her solicitor told her she was fighting a losing battle. One mediation meeting sorted out a hell of a lot as he had a background in family / divorce law and really knew his stuff.
mediation is good so long as both parties buy into it. My ex refused it until it got to the point where her solicitor told her she was fighting a losing battle. One mediation meeting sorted out a hell of a lot as he had a background in family / divorce law and really knew his stuff.
In reply to Post #37
Did you get custody of the hairdryer
Did you get custody of the hairdryer
In reply to Post #38
very good - not quite as good as your previous one about my ex but still made me LOL
very good - not quite as good as your previous one about my ex but still made me LOL
In reply to Post #38
Made me laugh that Braders
I bet he looks like an Afghan hound on a weekend
Made me laugh that Braders
I bet he looks like an Afghan hound on a weekend
In reply to Post #40
There is an advert I keep seeing where they swap a dogs hair onto a man.I think it's pot noodle,I always picture that as Mal
There is an advert I keep seeing where they swap a dogs hair onto a man.I think it's pot noodle,I always picture that as Mal
In reply to Post #41
Will look out for that
Will look out for that
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