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KenTownley
Posts: 30589
KenTownley
   Old Thread  #1833 8 Jun 2013 at 6.58pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1824
That one dates back to my teenage years...and I am now well old!

In my youth we would tell it in the voice of a fella with a cleft pallet.

"Worth!" he replies. "There I am, clinging to the window ledgth, freething cold, nothing on, covered in pith, when all of a thudden her husband thez he needs a thit. So he comths up to the window and thits out of it....all over me!"

etc. etc.

"Yeth, but when I looked down I wath only sith inthes off the gwound."

Probably suppressible these days.
nwpiker41
Posts: 8093
nwpiker41
   Old Thread  #1832 8 Jun 2013 at 6.38pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1831
I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around................................I felt like I was on The Voice.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1831 8 Jun 2013 at 2.20pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1828
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1830 8 Jun 2013 at 2.17pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1829
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1829 8 Jun 2013 at 10.32am  0  Login    Register
Dear Deidre....I was was watching my next door neighbours daughter sunbathing topless the other day from my bedroom window....while I was ****ing I turned to notice my wife just standing there arms folded watching me...Is she a pervert??
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1828 8 Jun 2013 at 10.28am  0  Login    Register
A large couple tumbled into the pub I work at and sat down in the restaurant. They'd clearly been to several other pubs this evening. I went over to their table to take their order.

"I'll have a cheeseburger with chips and a large glass of Pinot".

"I'm sorry, madam", I replied, "I'm afraid you've clearly had enough this evening, and I'm not going to be able to serve you"

"This is absurd!" exclaimed the man, as he jumped up from his seat "I think you'll find we've not had a drink all night, you imbecile".

"I think you'll find I was talking about the food, you fat ****".
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1827 7 Jun 2013 at 5.33pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1810
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1826 7 Jun 2013 at 5.33pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1817
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1825 7 Jun 2013 at 8.41am  0  Login    Register
I walked in on my son masturbating the other day.

'You shouldn't w@nk too often!' I shouted 'You'll go blind!'

'Erm, Dad I'm over here.' He replied
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1824 7 Jun 2013 at 8.39am  0  Login    Register
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1823 7 Jun 2013 at 8.28am  0  Login    Register
My wife came home and told me she just made 901 sucking several cocks.

Me: Who the hell gave you the 1 pound?

My wife: They all did.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1822 7 Jun 2013 at 7.56am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1817
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1821 7 Jun 2013 at 7.56am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1812
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1820 7 Jun 2013 at 6.54am  0  Login    Register
The pictures of the little Chinese baby who was rescued after blocking the sewage pipe were really heart warming.
I hear the nurses have named him Tam Pon.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1819 7 Jun 2013 at 6.51am  0  Login    Register
To the person who nicked my trainers when i was on the bouncy castle ******* GROW UP.
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