CarpForum - Fishing Forum
   [Log-In] or [Register]
Angling Lines
Advertise to thousands of anglers a day!  Click HERE to see how
      Home            Search       Help / FAQs   Rules / Usage 
Who's Online Member List      Articles           Gallery           Weather     
  New Posts: 0
 New Posts  Joke Thread
 [Log-In]  [Register]
Buzz_Bullen
Posts: 816
Buzz_Bullen
   Old Thread  #1992 24 Oct 2013 at 12.02pm    Login    Register
Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.

When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their willy's to direct the flow away from their clothes, and then shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?

'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.'
Buzz_Bullen
Posts: 816
Buzz_Bullen
   Old Thread  #1991 24 Oct 2013 at 11.57am    Login    Register
I was sitting at a red stop light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of bearded, loud, young Muslims, shouting anti-English slogans, with a half- burned Union Jack duck-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akhbar !!" and took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "My God, that could have been me!!!"

So today, I went out and got myself a job as a bus driver!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1990 23 Oct 2013 at 8.29am    Login    Register
As a young boy i was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
Unfortunately it belonged to Father O'Malley.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1989 23 Oct 2013 at 8.26am    Login    Register
so the media say playing grand theft auto 5 will cause players to commit crime.
Bull**** i have got the coronation street board game and i am not a paedophile.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1988 23 Oct 2013 at 8.20am    Login    Register
I fell asleep at a party last night and someone put a tea bag in my mouth.
i went mental,nobody treats me like a mug!
ilovefishingme
Posts: 1459
ilovefishingme
   Old Thread  #1987 22 Oct 2013 at 3.45pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1986
gone a bit quiet on the joke front recently :(
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1986 11 Oct 2013 at 7.55pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1982
either that or his missus has ran off with,Ryan Giggs
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1985 11 Oct 2013 at 7.45pm    Login    Register
ive just had some great financial news.
the little african kid that i sponsor has
been eaten by a lion.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1984 11 Oct 2013 at 7.42pm    Login    Register
my ex-wife is spreading false rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1983 11 Oct 2013 at 7.40pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1978
ilovefishingme
Posts: 1459
ilovefishingme
   Old Thread  #1982 11 Oct 2013 at 3.59pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1981
city supporter ???
gwoods1210
Posts: 622
gwoods1210
   Old Thread  #1981 11 Oct 2013 at 1.01pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1980
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do you call 20 Manchester United Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
A: Diahorrea


Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
.

Q: What have Man Utd and a 3-pin plug got in common?
A: They're both bugger-all use in Europe.

elltell
Posts: 1394
elltell
   Old Thread  #1980 5 Oct 2013 at 6.12pm    Login    Register
The wife's sister knocked me out yesterday, I was so f----ng angry, what sort of a sick bitch puts chloroform into her dirty knickers!!
elltell
Posts: 1394
elltell
   Old Thread  #1979 5 Oct 2013 at 6.04pm    Login    Register
The missus packed my bags and threw me out, as I walked out the door she screamed "I hope you have a slow and painful deaths you old *******" "oh" I replied, "so you want me to stay now"
Boom Boom
ralph69
Posts: 10353
ralph69
   Old Thread  #1978 4 Oct 2013 at 4.21pm    Login    Register
worst decision i ever made was having a penis extension...

my house looks ****ing stupid now
Page: 51.6666666666667 of 184  
   Advertising disclosure  
   Copyright 2002-2023  -  www.CarpForum.co.uk contact : webmaster@carpforum.co.uk