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elltell
Posts: 1387
elltell
   Old Thread  #2112 9 Apr 2014 at 2.02pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #2110
ralph69
Posts: 10352
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2111 7 Apr 2014 at 3.22pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #2110
i was expecting the wife to give me some **** last night after getting home late from the pub.

luckily tho she fed it to the dog
chris9
Posts: 4400
chris9
   Old Thread  #2110 6 Apr 2014 at 10.32am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #2109
Meteorologists now believe the dust cloud sweeping the country did not come from the sahara but sombody opening the arsenal trophy cabinet
elltell
Posts: 1387
elltell
   Old Thread  #2109 2 Apr 2014 at 9.10am    Login    Register


I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and that she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.

elltell
Posts: 1387
elltell
   Old Thread  #2108 2 Apr 2014 at 9.09am    Login    Register

I bought a new perfume for my wife called "Chloroform", but she says she doesn't like it any more as it makes her sleepy and her arse is sore when she wakes up.

Tel
elltell
Posts: 1387
elltell
   Old Thread  #2107 2 Apr 2014 at 9.06am    Login    Register

I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

Tel
ralph69
Posts: 10352
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2106 28 Mar 2014 at 11.15pm    Login    Register
men in the north east think that putting out the wheelie bins each week
is the most romantic guesture.
as for most couples in newcastle it's where they had there first date
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #2105 27 Mar 2014 at 5.12pm    Login    Register
"It's a good job you're cute" said the girl I pulled, "cos you're probably the cheesiest bloke I've ever met."

"Whatever love" I replied, "just keep sucking."
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #2104 19 Mar 2014 at 8.39pm    Login    Register
Girls everywhere are posting selfies of themselves with no make up on to raise awareness of breast cancer.

Would it not make more sense to post pictures of their tits? That would get my attention.
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #2103 17 Mar 2014 at 8.26pm    Login    Register
Let's spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he was going to China on the Malaysian plane and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #2102 3 Mar 2014 at 8.36pm    Login    Register
I stole a TV from my next door neighbour's kitchen but I think it's broken.

Every channel is a slow spinning bowl of porridge.
jimmyAd
Posts: 8977
jimmyAd
   Old Thread  #2101 1 Mar 2014 at 8.03am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #2100
That could be why you're single ralphy.
ralph69
Posts: 10352
ralph69
   Old Thread  #2100 28 Feb 2014 at 11.56pm    Login    Register
Message Suppressed by Forum Moderator.
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #2099 23 Feb 2014 at 9.16pm    Login    Register
I told my office junior that I'd promote her if she gave me a blow job.

She did, so I wrote: "Samantha gives great head" on the gent's wall.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #2098 23 Feb 2014 at 10.35am    Login    Register
Guy in the street shouts.."BLOW UP DOLLS 40!!-BLOW UP DOLLS 40!!"

Another guy walks past... "Hey mate.. I bought one of these yesterday and I blew it up and it went straight down"

Guy in the street shouts "BLOW UP DOLLS 70!!-BLOW UP DOLLS 70!!"
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