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In reply to Post #1
As jesus was nailed to the cross, he looked down on his diciples and said...........don't ****ing touch my easter eggs, I'll be back on Sunday!
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In reply to Post #2429
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In reply to Post #2430
I'm surprised they didn't call you sirry **** 
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In reply to Post #2430
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In reply to Post #2429
I think I did get it really 
When I worked in China - they called me Toe Lee
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In reply to Post #2428
What do you call a man with no shins................................................
TOE........KNEE = Tony!!!
not Tony59
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In reply to Post #2417
I don't get it....
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What's the difference between three cocks and a joke .?
You're mum can't take a joke
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A three foot midget go's into the gent's public toilet and points Percy to the porcelain, in walked a giant of a man with a twitch, after a minute or so the big guy looked down to the little guy and said isn't it funny you have the same affliction as me, the little guy looked up and said "affliction be buggered, every time you twitch you keep pissing in my ear".
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In reply to Post #2423
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In reply to Post #2423
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In reply to Post #1
Q. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus ?.
A. Your wIfe will always "blow" your bonus!!
Tel
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All the following spoken in a west country farmers voice
Farmer Brown!
Yes farmer piles Giles
I hear you have a very rare pig, the same as me,
That's right I do, why do you ask?
If we get them together to mate, their offspring will earn us a fortune,
Right, mine is a male so to conserve his energy for the boncking session you bring your girl over to my farm in the morning
farmer Giles put her in a wheel barrow and off they go,
the deed was done
next morning
is she up the duff?
how do I tell?
she will be laying on her back with two feet in the air.
Oh no she's standing.
ok bring her back in the morning.
this go's on for a week
on the last day
is she laying on her back.....
No!
what's she doing
she's in the wheel barrow with a big grin on her face.
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In reply to Post #1
What's the difference between a hippo and Zippo?
One's a heavyweight, the other is a little lighter 
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In reply to Post #1
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I’m six-foot tall, 14-stone blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The woman to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.”
“Now seriously, Mister, do you still want to tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
“No …. not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times”.
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NON Carp stuff