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In reply to Post #1
My missus left me because of my obsession with the footy , bitch , we'd been together ten seasons
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In reply to Post #2473
Paddy opens Micks fridge and asks him why he keeps a empty bottle of milk in their.
In case somebody wants a black coffe you thick **** was his reply 
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In reply to Post #2472
I met our postman at the gate the other day, I don't know what surprised him more, the fact that I was naked or the fact that I knew where he lived 
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Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside! Do you think I should change dentists?
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In reply to Post #2470
There's an Englishman , Irishman ,Scotsman and normally a Welshman but he's still in France
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In reply to Post #2469
Word has it that the Welsh have found another use for their sheep. .....it's called wool.
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In reply to Post #2466
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Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" Barb asked..
"To get my teeth!"
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In reply to Post #2466
boom boom ......boom boom boom boom boom boom boom 
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A blokes fat wife walks into the kitchen and says , didn't you just hear me fall down the stairs ?
He says , sorry love , I thought you were watching the start of east Enders
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2 girls at the cinema watching a film.......after a while one girl turns to the other and says ere the bloke next to me is playing wiv imself..........oh just ignore him..........I can't he's using my hand.
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A daughter asked her mother, "how do you spell 'scrotum'?" mum replied, " you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.
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A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”
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In reply to Post #2461
my sister had big problems being a kleptomaniac , when it was too much for her she would take something for it.
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In reply to Post #2460
Thinking of selling my hoover, its just collecting dust.
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NON Carp stuff