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In reply to Post #107
the village idiot gets pulled by the old bill while driving his horse box
where you going , asks the copper
taking my horses to the races , says the idiot
the old bill looks in the box and sees its empty and says , theres nothing in there
i know says the idiot , im taking the non runners first
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My wife's sister knocked me out yesterday.
l was so f--king angry!
What sort of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers??
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In reply to Post #102
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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I've got this magical cow that can talk. I keep it outside most of the time, but sometimes you can hear it saying some hilarious things,Like 'Let me in, for God's sake, I'm your wife
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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I found my girlfriend dead in the bed the other day. She just lay there lifeless, so I deceided to s.ag her one last time. All of a sudden she jumped up and shouted BOO!!! Honestly some people are sick in the fcuking head
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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I looked on the roof of the supermarket today, to see a fat chick standing up there."What are you doing?" I shouted up to her."I'm sick of being teased about my weight!" She cried. "I'm killing my self.""Come on, there's kids round," I replied. "And they'll start singing fcuking Humpty Dumpty
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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This chap went to India for a cheap penis extension operation.The surgeon said, "I can fit you with a baby elephant's trunk for 3000 pounds.""Excellent," said the chap. "Go ahead."6 weeks later he's having dinner with his new girlfriend when his new cock shoots out of his trousers, steals an apple off the table and disappears back inside his trousers."That was amazing," said his girlfriend. "Can you do it again?""Sorry," he said, "I don't think my ar.e could manage another apple
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In reply to Post #99
sik by name
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In reply to Post #99
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I said, "Gran, I think this milk is off."She said,
Well, it's been along time since anyone sucked my nipples
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In reply to Post #97
Went swimming the other day and while at the deep end I decided to have a cheeky Piss.
Unfortunatly the life guard spotted me and I tell you what.
He blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in 
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A guy walks into a bar and drinks ten pints of lager, then he says to the barman "Do you sell shorts?". Barman says "Of course we do." Good" he says, "Gimme a pair cause I just pissed myself!"
Guy walks into a bar and says "Can I have a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps?" Barman says "Sorry, we've only got plane."
Bloke sat at a table in the pub enjoying a nice pint of bitter. Woman walks over to him, puts her bum over his glass and farts into it, she casually walks away back to the bar. Bloke goes over to her and says "You fart in my Whitbread?" "No" she says, "I'm Tessa Sanderson".
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What is the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? The pickpocket spends his time snatching watches.
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Snow....Gods way of saying "stay in and save your petrol because its too ****ing expensive"
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Wikipedia has printed the following clarification :-
James Cameron is a man who directed a film about a captain steering his ship inexorably towards disaster
David Cameron is an English Prime Minister
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NON Carp stuff