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TheCheater
Posts: 666
   Old Thread  #147 30 May 2012 at 5.59pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #146
"Have you ever tried Ethopian food?..."

"no"


"Neither have they"
bashmeister
Posts: 548
bashmeister
   Old Thread  #146 29 May 2012 at 9.56pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #145
My boss called me today and said, "Where the hell are you?"

I said, "I'm relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I'm already on my fourth can of lager."

"I don't ****ing believe you!" he shouted.

"Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me. "Dave, isn't this my fourth can?"
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #145 25 May 2012 at 8.03pm    Login    Register
My girlfriend said "No more going to the strip club with your mates.... I've decided to strip for you right here in our flat"

I said "Great! ...... I'll call the boys and tell them to bring beer"
ralph69
Posts: 10352
ralph69
   Old Thread  #144 22 May 2012 at 11.23pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #131
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #143 22 May 2012 at 9.52pm    Login    Register
I met a girl in the pub. We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers.

"Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation."

"Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked. "How premature?"

"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"

"Yeah?"

"Then."
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #142 22 May 2012 at 7.08pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #141
Turns out John Terry didn't sleep with Bridge's ex after all, someone else did and he just took the credit
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #141 22 May 2012 at 6.50pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #140
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #140 22 May 2012 at 6.48pm    Login    Register
Didier Drogba has confirmed that he is to leave Chelsea when his contract ends and is rumoured to be heading to China next month... The Chinese Olympic diving coach, Zhou Jihong, says he'll be a welcome addition to his squad for the summer games.
bashmeister
Posts: 548
bashmeister
   Old Thread  #139 21 May 2012 at 1.53pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #138
John Terry is going to his daughter's sports day tomorrow...he's wearing his PE kit incase she wins
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #138 20 May 2012 at 8.21pm    Login    Register
I've decided to take the John Terry approach to dinner tonight.I'm going to put on my chef hat to serve up the Sunday roast after my Mum spent all day cooking it.
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #137 20 May 2012 at 3.12pm    Login    Register
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #136 20 May 2012 at 12.54pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #132
andy_carper001
Posts: 584
andy_carper001
   Old Thread  #135 20 May 2012 at 12.23pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #134
The omens were not good for Munich from the start. I mean they did kick off at 1945.
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #134 17 May 2012 at 7.43pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #131
jimmyAd
Posts: 8977
jimmyAd
   Old Thread  #133 17 May 2012 at 6.27pm    Login    Register
Beware ebay scam....just bought a penis enlarger and received a magnifying glass with the instructions...DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT
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