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sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #229 24 Jul 2012 at 7.46pm  0  Login    Register

Little Johnny is taking a shower
with his mother and says, "Mom,
what are those things on your
chest!?" Unsure of how to reply,
she tells Johnny to ask his dad at
breakfast tomorrow, quite
certain the matter would be
forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The
following morning he asked his
father the same question. His
father, always quick with the
answers, says, "Why Johnny,
those are balloons. When your
mommy dies, we can blow them
up and she'll float to heaven."
Johnny thinks that's neat and
asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny's dad
comes home from work a few
hours early. Johnny runs out of
the house crying hysterically,
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's
dying!!" His father says, "Calm
down son! Why do you think
Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is
blowing up Mommy's balloons
and she's screaming, "Oh God,
I'm coming
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #228 22 Jul 2012 at 6.37pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #227
A African bloke walked into my pub holding a bucket this afternoon.
He handed me the bucket and said,"can you fill this up with water?"
i said; "f--k sake how many miles have you walked for this?"
He said,
"none you cheeky c--t l'm the window cleaner."
carpy09
Posts: 13807
carpy09
   Old Thread  #227 21 Jul 2012 at 10.20pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #224
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2196
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #226 20 Jul 2012 at 10.00pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #224
D_Viper
Posts: 3119
D_Viper
   Old Thread  #225 20 Jul 2012 at 9.15pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #224
whitey1664
Posts: 1726
whitey1664
   Old Thread  #224 20 Jul 2012 at 9.02pm  0  Login    Register
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #223 20 Jul 2012 at 8.57pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #222
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #222 20 Jul 2012 at 7.51pm  0  Login    Register
My mate tried that new drug meow! meow! it's very good, so far he has had a sleep in front of fire, had a bowl of milk, been for a s..t in his next door's garden Oh and can lick his own balls!!
Mr-Magoo
Posts: 9625
Mr-Magoo
   Old Thread  #221 19 Jul 2012 at 5.57pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #220
**** off ginger or ille tell em the one about your small appendige
Fozzy
Posts: 17232
Fozzy
aka Elephant Man
   Old Thread  #220 19 Jul 2012 at 7.07am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #219
You are to comedy what Ronald McDonald is to the vegan movement
Mr-Magoo
Posts: 9625
Mr-Magoo
   Old Thread  #219 19 Jul 2012 at 4.51am  0  Login    Register
Im'e not sure who invented the halal meat slicer, but you can bet Abu Hanza had a hand in it !
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #218 18 Jul 2012 at 9.49pm  0  Login    Register
I bet Katie Price could find Wally in about five seconds if he had his cock hanging out.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #217 18 Jul 2012 at 9.46pm  0  Login    Register
I pulled up outside a school and said to a young girl, "I'll give you some sweets if you get in the car."She replied, "F**k off dad. You bought the damn Skoda now you have to live with it."
ralph69
Posts: 10360
ralph69
   Old Thread  #216 18 Jul 2012 at 5.05pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #215
i rang babe station the other night , a woman answers and says "hi ,what can i do for you , i said
"****ing hide, my wifes coming and ive lost the remote"
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2196
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #215 17 Jul 2012 at 9.48pm  0  Login    Register
A mosquito landed on my balls...

Hardest decision of my life.
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