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catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #308 5 Sept 2012 at 5.40pm    Login    Register
I got in touch with my inner self today.Thats the last time i buy Tesco value toilet roll.
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #307 5 Sept 2012 at 9.59am    Login    Register
After 100 years at the bottom of the Atlantic Irish divers were amazed that the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #306 5 Sept 2012 at 9.57am    Login    Register
if ever one day you feel down and out and think that life couldn't get any worse..just remember, YOU were once the strongest, fastest little sperm
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #305 5 Sept 2012 at 9.54am    Login    Register



Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the Olympics that they would like to take back:
......
1. Weight-lifting commentator:

'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
......
2. Dressage commentator:

'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her m
other.'
......
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast:

'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
.....
4. Boxing Analyst:

'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
......
5. Softball announcer:

'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

......
6. Basketball analyst:

'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
......
7. At the rowing medal ceremony:

'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
.....
8. Soccer commentator:

'Julian D1cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D1cks on the field.'
.....
9. Tennis commentator:

'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'





sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #304 5 Sept 2012 at 9.51am    Login    Register
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too fooking late pal, I've already done the paperwork"
What goes round, comes around
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #303 5 Sept 2012 at 9.49am    Login    Register
Apparently Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Yeah, must be a pain in the a..e having random strangers turn up at your door
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #302 5 Sept 2012 at 9.47am    Login    Register
"Does this dress make me look slutty?" Asked my girlfriend in the shop changing room.I just rolled my eyes and shared an ironic look with her husband
rivers
Posts: 4545
rivers
   Old Thread  #301 4 Sept 2012 at 9.48pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #300
Paddy and Murphy go to a fancy dress party
And the theme is emotions
People are dressed as 'rage', fear' and 'happiness'

Paddy is naked apart from having his dick stuck in a Pear
Murphy is also naked with his dick in a bowlful of custard

'So what have you two come as ?' asks someone

Paddy says 'I'm deep in despair'
Murphy says ' I'm fuc@ing disgusted'

catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #300 3 Sept 2012 at 8.05am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #298
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #299 2 Sept 2012 at 8.10pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #298
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #298 2 Sept 2012 at 7.52pm    Login    Register
Mick Hucknalls been arrested after being caught sha..in a rabbit a police source said he was holding back the ears & singing bunnys 2 tight 2 mention
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #297 2 Sept 2012 at 7.25pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #296
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #296 2 Sept 2012 at 7.22pm    Login    Register
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the
sign? It says, 'Private property - Keep Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball
there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then
walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe
every pr1ck should have two balls
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #295 1 Sept 2012 at 10.10pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #288
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #294 1 Sept 2012 at 10.09pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #286
quality
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