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Man pinches wife's breasts and says if we firm these up we can get rid of the bra. Wife grabs his penis & says if we firm this up we can get rid of the milkman
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I got in touch with my inner self today.Thats the last time i buy Tesco value toilet roll.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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After 100 years at the bottom of the Atlantic Irish divers were amazed that the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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if ever one day you feel down and out and think that life couldn't get any worse..just remember, YOU were once the strongest, fastest little sperm
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the Olympics that they would like to take back:
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1. Weight-lifting commentator:
'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
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2. Dressage commentator:
'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her m
other.'
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3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast:
'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
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4. Boxing Analyst:
'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
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5. Softball announcer:
'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
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6. Basketball analyst:
'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
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7. At the rowing medal ceremony:
'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
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8. Soccer commentator:
'Julian D1cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D1cks on the field.'
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9. Tennis commentator:
'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too fooking late pal, I've already done the paperwork"
What goes round, comes around
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Apparently Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Yeah, must be a pain in the a..e having random strangers turn up at your door
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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"Does this dress make me look slutty?" Asked my girlfriend in the shop changing room.I just rolled my eyes and shared an ironic look with her husband
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In reply to Post #300
Paddy and Murphy go to a fancy dress party
And the theme is emotions
People are dressed as 'rage', fear' and 'happiness'
Paddy is naked apart from having his dick stuck in a Pear
Murphy is also naked with his dick in a bowlful of custard
'So what have you two come as ?' asks someone
Paddy says 'I'm deep in despair'
Murphy says ' I'm fuc@ing disgusted'
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In reply to Post #298
 
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In reply to Post #298
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Mick Hucknalls been arrested after being caught sha..in a rabbit a police source said he was holding back the ears & singing bunnys 2 tight 2 mention
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In reply to Post #296
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the
sign? It says, 'Private property - Keep Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball
there. May I have it, please?"
The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then
walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe
every pr1ck should have two balls
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In reply to Post #288
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NON Carp stuff