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catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #671 7 Dec 2012 at 7.06am  0  Login    Register
Santa say's to his elf "i am getting sick of this .Its the same old sh-t every year.Running around like a c--t,in this stupid red costume,and at the end of it all l always end up with is nowt."The elf say's"Now you Know how Steven Gerrard Feels".
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #670 7 Dec 2012 at 7.00am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #668
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #669 6 Dec 2012 at 8.53pm  0  Login    Register
Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner to me....sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more.....!!
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2197
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #668 6 Dec 2012 at 6.46pm  0  Login    Register
"So," I asked, "Are you still on for a cock up your arse later?"

My wife looked shocked, "I can't believe you just asked me that in front of the whole pub!"

"Really?" I replied. "I can't believe you thought I was talking to you. Come on Ron. Let's get out of here."
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #667 6 Dec 2012 at 3.23pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #665
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #666 6 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #665
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #665 6 Dec 2012 at 1.45pm  0  Login    Register
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't f.ck
her
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #664 6 Dec 2012 at 10.08am  0  Login    Register
Paddy asked his wife what she'd like for Christmas? She said, "I'd love a black I-Pad."

So he punched her.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #663 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #660
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #662 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #661
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #661 5 Dec 2012 at 6.40pm  0  Login    Register
I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up,wanting a cake
with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY I SUCK COCKS"written on it.l thought it was weird
but made it anyway.Mrs Cox was f--king furious when i delivered it.so
was her son,Issac
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #660 5 Dec 2012 at 6.37pm  0  Login    Register
I threw a second-hand, charity shop sweater at my wife earlier, saying

"There you go, merry Christmas."

She burst into tears and cried "You don't ****ing love me any more, do you?"

"Of course I do, look." I said.

"There's three X's on it's label, you fat bitch."
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #659 5 Dec 2012 at 6.35pm  0  Login    Register
Kate Middleton has just announced she's 4 weeks pregnant,coincidentally John Terry has been injured
for five weeks.........Hmmmm
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #658 5 Dec 2012 at 6.32pm  0  Login    Register
Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment.



We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed.
oldfletch
Posts: 1461
   Old Thread  #657 4 Dec 2012 at 7.15pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #656
bumped into noel edmounds the other day,so i said to him if you dont give me a 100k,i will tell the police i gave you a **** on swap shop, deal or no deal........
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