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catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #670 7 Dec 2012 at 7.00am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #668
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #669 6 Dec 2012 at 8.53pm    Login    Register
Christmas dinner is just like any other dinner to me....sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more.....!!
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #668 6 Dec 2012 at 6.46pm    Login    Register
"So," I asked, "Are you still on for a cock up your arse later?"

My wife looked shocked, "I can't believe you just asked me that in front of the whole pub!"

"Really?" I replied. "I can't believe you thought I was talking to you. Come on Ron. Let's get out of here."
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #667 6 Dec 2012 at 3.23pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #665
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #666 6 Dec 2012 at 2.00pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #665
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #665 6 Dec 2012 at 1.45pm    Login    Register
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't f.ck
her
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #664 6 Dec 2012 at 10.08am    Login    Register
Paddy asked his wife what she'd like for Christmas? She said, "I'd love a black I-Pad."

So he punched her.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #663 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #660
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #662 5 Dec 2012 at 6.41pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #661
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #661 5 Dec 2012 at 6.40pm    Login    Register
I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up,wanting a cake
with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY I SUCK COCKS"written on it.l thought it was weird
but made it anyway.Mrs Cox was f--king furious when i delivered it.so
was her son,Issac
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #660 5 Dec 2012 at 6.37pm    Login    Register
I threw a second-hand, charity shop sweater at my wife earlier, saying

"There you go, merry Christmas."

She burst into tears and cried "You don't ****ing love me any more, do you?"

"Of course I do, look." I said.

"There's three X's on it's label, you fat bitch."
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #659 5 Dec 2012 at 6.35pm    Login    Register
Kate Middleton has just announced she's 4 weeks pregnant,coincidentally John Terry has been injured
for five weeks.........Hmmmm
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #658 5 Dec 2012 at 6.32pm    Login    Register
Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment.



We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed.
oldfletch
Posts: 1456
   Old Thread  #657 4 Dec 2012 at 7.15pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #656
bumped into noel edmounds the other day,so i said to him if you dont give me a 100k,i will tell the police i gave you a **** on swap shop, deal or no deal........
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #656 4 Dec 2012 at 6.39pm    Login    Register
One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.

Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she got to the hospital she was OK and the babies were fine as well.



16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mum mum guess what?"

"What?"

I pi$$ed out a bullet.

So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mum mum guess what I pi$$ed out a bullet."

So the mum told her what happened 16 years ago.

Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mum mum guess what?"

The mum said "let me guess you pi$$ed out a bullet."

"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"
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