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SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #832 8 Jan 2013 at 5.32pm    Login    Register
I don't care if my wife spits or swallows.

As far as I'm concerned, she earned that cum and she can do whatever she wants with it.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #831 8 Jan 2013 at 9.57am    Login    Register
I've been using the same gag to get woman into bed for over five years now.
I should get a new one really,this one's got blood on it.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #830 8 Jan 2013 at 9.55am    Login    Register
I've just heard that the man who had the recent hand transplant has been caught shoplifting in Tesco,turns out the donor was a scouser
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #829 8 Jan 2013 at 9.51am    Login    Register
I was on my way home and see me dwarf neighbour waiting at the bus stop so I stopped and said jump in.
He said he';d sooner walk.So i done me zip back up on my back pac and carried on walking.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #828 6 Jan 2013 at 12.53pm    Login    Register
1 inch - are you taking the piss?

2 inch - I can't even hold it properly

3 inch - never been so unsatisfied in my life

4 inch - I've had bigger

5 inch - good, but not enough

6 inch - about right

8 inch - perfect

10 inch - it's hurting my insides

12 inch - I'm absolutely destroyed

How do you rate your pizza?
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #827 6 Jan 2013 at 10.59am    Login    Register
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. The Queen promptly pulls out a douche bottle and starts cleaning her vagina.

St. Peter then asks Dolly why she thinks she is worthy of entering heaven. In response, Dolly flashes her boobs.

He then proceeds to open the gates, letting Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly. When Dolly asks St. Peter why the Queen was let through and not her, Peter replies, "A royal flush beats a wild pair."
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #826 6 Jan 2013 at 9.27am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #824
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #825 6 Jan 2013 at 8.46am    Login    Register
My mate just said, "What's your favorite mythical creature?"

I said, "Those happy women in tampax adverts."
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #824 6 Jan 2013 at 8.45am    Login    Register
People tell me I don't understand anal sex.

It's not my fault, I just haven't found a woman with a vagina big enough for my arse to fit into yet
carpy09
Posts: 13763
carpy09
   Old Thread  #823 5 Jan 2013 at 9.57am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #822
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #822 5 Jan 2013 at 8.58am    Login    Register
'Phone rings, woman answers.

Pervert with heavy breathing says, 'I bet you have a tight arse, with no hair.'

Woman replies 'Yes, he's watching the football. Who shall I say is calling?'
stymie
Posts: 802
stymie
   Old Thread  #821 4 Jan 2013 at 9.47pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #818
And any Newcastle fans a bit peed off they are losing their idol, apparently the club have an offer on for only 3 you can have the letters "stard" added on to your existing shirt.
MrGrantski
Posts: 953
MrGrantski
   Old Thread  #820 4 Jan 2013 at 2.36pm    Login    Register
So a bloke has a hand transplant.. Surely they should have called it a handjob
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #819 3 Jan 2013 at 7.20pm    Login    Register
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

...

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #818 3 Jan 2013 at 7.03pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #817


Anyway..... Back on track..

Chelsea fans wanting to save money on a Demba Ba replica shirt?

Just cut off the word 'DROG' from the one you wore last season.
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