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ilovefishingme
Posts: 1459
ilovefishingme
   Old Thread  #912 18 Jan 2013 at 1.52pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #911
post 904 brilliant
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #911 18 Jan 2013 at 1.02pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #910
Doyle
Posts: 2148
Doyle
   Old Thread  #910 18 Jan 2013 at 12.54pm    Login    Register
A stranger text me last night asking me to meet him in the woods so he could see my penis.


The weirdo never turned up!!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #909 18 Jan 2013 at 12.35pm    Login    Register
Tesco's are bringing out a new range of beef burgers called Fernando Torres............100% Pony.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #908 18 Jan 2013 at 12.04pm    Login    Register
If you thought Tesco's burger scandal was bad,it has emerged that Iceland have been selling Quarter Panda's.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #907 18 Jan 2013 at 12.01pm    Login    Register
I made a curry the other night and sat down to eat it.On the telly there was a advert for Oxfam.They showed a starving poor family covered with flies and dying.With a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face l thought,"f--K me this curry's hot!"
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #906 18 Jan 2013 at 10.51am    Login    Register
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #905 18 Jan 2013 at 10.13am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #904
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #904 18 Jan 2013 at 10.08am    Login    Register
Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do." says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."

"I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Nancy Peloisi and a large pool of hot water. she kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was her fate in hell.

"No!' said Obama. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer!" The Devil led him to the next room. In it was George bush with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I had to do was break rocks all day."

The Devil opened the third door. In it, Obama saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Obama looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to Go!"
shed
Posts: 1394
shed
   Old Thread  #903 17 Jan 2013 at 11.07pm    Login    Register
Now Tesco are taking veggie burgers off the shelves as well. Supposedly they've discovered traces of UniQuorn!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #902 17 Jan 2013 at 10.58am    Login    Register
Horse meat found in Tesco burgers,camel toe found in Primark leggings.
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #901 17 Jan 2013 at 10.56am    Login    Register
All these protests going on in India over the gang rape death.Who's manning the phones?
Doyle
Posts: 2148
Doyle
   Old Thread  #900 16 Jan 2013 at 9.45pm    Login    Register
My friend ended up in hospital after eating burgers containing horse meat from Tesco. He's in a stable condition but he still has the trots.
JimD
Posts: 2646
   Old Thread  #899 16 Jan 2013 at 8.36pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #898
Just seen Black Hawk Down in 3D. It was brilliant.
Who needs HMV or Blockbusters when you live in Vauxhall
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #898 16 Jan 2013 at 7.55pm    Login    Register
Kids today don't know how lucky they are, they can access porn with one single click of the mouse on a PC to fulfill their personal masturbation needs.

When I was a kid, I had to make do with typing '58008' in the calculator to get my kicks!
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