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The Swansea ball boys night got even worse when he got home to find his mum being shagged by John Terry
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I was having routine sex with the wife last night when I suddenly surprised her.
I produced a massive rubber dildo from under the bed and went to work on her pussy.
After she came she said "oh my god I can't believe you went out and bought that"
"I didn't," I replied I borrowed it off gay Alan at work.
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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I was busting for a sh1t at the petrol station, so passing the counter assistant I said, "Fill her up for me would you?"
"That'll be £302.56," he said on my return.
"What?" I exclaimed. "But the car only takes 40 litres!"
"I know, but your wife needed 58 sausage rolls
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In reply to Post #978
if that was torres , do ya think he would have missed
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To be honest I'm really disappointed in Lance,he's making young innocent drug users think cycling is cool!I reckon he misread what he was taking and thought it was add-a-bollock steroids.
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Tesco in trouble again as human DNA found in Welsh lamb.
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Joey Barton must be a right annoying c..t....he's only been in France 5 minutes and they are all leaving to come to Newcastle.
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In reply to Post #985
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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What’s the useless skin around a vagina called?
The woman
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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A guy thought his wife was cheating on him.So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!
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In reply to Post #982
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Jen's friend Amy is complaining about having a sore throat.
"When I have a sore throat, I always give my husband a blow job and, as long as I swallow, it feels better the next day. You should try it," says Jen.
The next day, they meet up and Amy is all smiles.
"How did it go, then?" asks Jen. "Wonderfully!" beams Amy. "Your husband couldn’t believe it was your idea
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A man walks into a drug store with his 10-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called Condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
"Those are for married men.
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In reply to Post #978
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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In reply to Post #978
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NON Carp stuff