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CraftyCarper
Posts: 3588
CraftyCarper
   Old Thread  #1154 19 Feb 2013 at 3.43pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1124
Oscar pestorius

Giving a new meaning to taking your Mrs out on Valentines day!!
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1153 19 Feb 2013 at 10.10am  0  Login    Register
Explanation for there being no male agony aunts!

Dear Bill, I am a 42 yr old mother. I left for work but after a mile or so, my car broke down. I had to walk home again, and on arriving home I found my 16 year old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform, sucking my husbands cock. I am devastated! Can you help?

Dear Susie, a common cause for this, is dirt in your carburettor. Don't let your fuel drop too low in the tank. Hope this helps.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1152 19 Feb 2013 at 9.29am  0  Login    Register
Walking through town one day I came across a young boy with a box of newborn puppies at his feet. "Do you want to buy a puppy mister?" He asked "What sort of puppies are they?" I enquired "They're Christian puppies" he answered "That's nice" I answered "But no don't want one." The next day walking through town, this time with my wife, we saw the same boy, so I told my wife to ask him about his special puppies "What sort of puppies are those?" She asked "Atheist puppies" he answered "Wait a minute!" I said "Yesterday you said they were Christian puppies." "I know" he replied "But now their eyes have opened."
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1151 19 Feb 2013 at 9.08am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1139
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1150 19 Feb 2013 at 8.41am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1139
two belters
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1149 19 Feb 2013 at 7.51am  0  Login    Register
The bookies hot favorite to bag an Oscar this year?..... Pretoria State Prison
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1148 19 Feb 2013 at 7.09am  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1147
Belter
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1147 19 Feb 2013 at 6.49am  0  Login    Register
The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?
Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you know my dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?'
Harry says 'ya! the little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush mum's teeth.
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1146 19 Feb 2013 at 6.48am  0  Login    Register
Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1145 19 Feb 2013 at 6.44am  0  Login    Register
Donald Duck walked into a chemist & asked for a packet
of condoms.
"Certainly, Sir" said the lady behind the counter, "& shall I
put them on your bill"
"NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am,
a D1ckhead
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1144 19 Feb 2013 at 6.41am  0  Login    Register
Having determined that the husband was infertile, a childless couple decided to try
artificial insemination.
When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress, get up on the
table and place her feet in the stirrups.
She was feeling very comfortable about the whole situation and when the doctor
started dropping his pants, she freaked.
"Wait a second! What the hell is going on here?" she yelled.
"Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor.
"Well, yes, but…" stammered the woman.
"Well lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor.
"Were out of the bottled stuff, so you'll just have to settle for what's on tap.
sik
Posts: 2391
sik
   Old Thread  #1143 19 Feb 2013 at 6.36am  0  Login    Register
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's
drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then
he jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows
it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just swallowed the cue ball off my pool table whole!", says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He eats everything in sight, the
little b.gger. I'll pay for the cue ball and other stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his
bill and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a
drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking
his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up
his @rse, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender
is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the bloke.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his @rse, then pulled it out and ate it!", says
the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He still eats everything in sight,
but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!
craigboi007
Posts: 115
craigboi007
   Old Thread  #1142 18 Feb 2013 at 9.03pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1139
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2200
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #1141 18 Feb 2013 at 8.51pm  0  Login    Register
There's nothing less romantic than wiping cum off your girlfriend's belly after sex.

Except doing it before.
carpy09
Posts: 13864
carpy09
   Old Thread  #1140 18 Feb 2013 at 8.39pm  0  Login    Register
In reply to Post #1136
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