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SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1232 3 Mar 2013 at 1.03pm    Login    Register
I'm not saying my wife is easy to please but when I put my hand in her knickers to finger her, it's like feeding a sugar lump to a horse.
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1231 3 Mar 2013 at 12.58pm    Login    Register
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only 10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a 20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #1230 3 Mar 2013 at 9.21am    Login    Register
Lesbian seeks similar for relationship. Must like fish fingers and eating out.
Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2192
Mr-Bean-Laden
   Old Thread  #1229 2 Mar 2013 at 10.00am    Login    Register
"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.

Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1228 1 Mar 2013 at 2.07pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1227
a government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor!!!!!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1227 1 Mar 2013 at 2.04pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1224
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1226 1 Mar 2013 at 11.07am    Login    Register
So the popes ring will be destroyed later tonight.
Well they say what goes around comes around.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1225 1 Mar 2013 at 8.05am    Login    Register
Was enjoying a pizza with my girlfriend the other night when she suddenly announced she loved it up the arse. Good job i'd already eaten half of it....
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1224 28 Feb 2013 at 7.51am    Login    Register
Walking down the street the other night, I witnessed 5 guys jump out of an alleyway and beat up a woman. Once they ran off, I ran over to the victim who was covered in blood and asked her what I should do

"Are you having a fukcing laugh" she screamed

"Sorry" I said "It's just, I've never witnessed anything like this before and I have no idea what to do"

Anyway, the next day I discovered that the poor woman had died of her injuries and I was kicked out of the police force!
catfish1
Posts: 1629
catfish1
   Old Thread  #1223 28 Feb 2013 at 7.48am    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1221
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1222 27 Feb 2013 at 10.11pm    Login    Register
In a lesbian relationship, who makes the sandwiches?

Neither, they both eat out.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1221 27 Feb 2013 at 8.49pm    Login    Register
Just finished a book called "Dying For A Piss".

It's about how Valentine's Day gets celebrated in the Pistorius house.
WaftyCranker
Posts: 3455
WaftyCranker
   Old Thread  #1220 27 Feb 2013 at 8.29pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1218
carpy09
Posts: 13753
carpy09
   Old Thread  #1219 27 Feb 2013 at 7.55pm    Login    Register
In reply to Post #1218
SlugHunter
Posts: 22735
SlugHunter
   Old Thread  #1218 27 Feb 2013 at 7.17pm    Login    Register
I was fingering a fat bird when she said "use 4 fingers, that is why they call me Kit Kat".

So I replied "I thought it was because you're Chunky"
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