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In reply to Post #2342
Bert, in the old folks home said to Gladys "I'm leaving you and I'm gonna go with Doris cos she holds my one eyed trouser snake all night", Gladys said "so do I" yes said Bert but Doris has parkinson's . 
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In reply to Post #2341
 
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A blind carpenter go's into a timber yard for a job, the boss says your blind how can you do anything?
the chippie says "just by smell I can tell what a timber is and where it came from" Mmmm says the boss I'll test you, he lays a piece of wood on a bench and says lean forward and smell the wood, after moving his head a couple of times he says "its BC Pine from Canada", right says the boss, next, try this one, after a few sniffs he says " this is Oak from England", right, the boss cant believe this so he go's to the office and tells the girl to strip and lay on the bench face down, ok if you get this one I'll take you on, the chippie sniffs and sniffs then says turn it over I'm not sure about this one, the girl turns over and he sniffs again, "Yeah I got its a khazi door from a trawler boat in Grimsby".
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In reply to Post #2339
Got felt up by a blind woman last night. She said I had the thickest, longest shaft she'd ever felt.
She was pulling my leg
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In reply to Post #2338
I've woke myself up three times this week with my snoring ,
So **** it , tonight I'm gonna go sleep in the spare room
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In reply to Post #1
So Jurgen Klopp has finally got his first win at Liverpool.
Apparently it was due to a motivational text from his older brother clippity.
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A woman knocked at our door and said she was
collecting for the new swimming pool so I gave her a bucket of water.
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In reply to Post #2334
Like it
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In reply to Post #2333
Reminds me of
"Dad, there's a bloke at the door with a bald head"
"Tell him to piss off I've got one"
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In reply to Post #2332
My daughter said to me earlier "dad , there's someone knocking at the door with a beard ".
I said " well no wonder I couldn't bloody hear it then " .
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Teacher......who can tell me what chickens give you?
Sarah.........meat miss.
teacher......correct, now can you tell me what pigs give you?
Jane...........bacon miss
teacher.......that's right, who can tell me what fat cow gives you?
Billie...........homework
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In reply to Post #2330
Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?
Because he's married.
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In reply to Post #2329
I love f5, it's so refreshing
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In reply to Post #2328
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