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In reply to Post #2349
Absolute quality  I've been reading some of your other jokes I'm actually crying your a legend COYS!!!
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In reply to Post #2348
My missus told me she was leaving me because of my obsession with fools and horses.
I just sighed and said , okay , I'll get me suitcase from the van
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In reply to Post #2347
This blonde is selling a snake in the local paper!
A bloke rings up and asks how big is it,
F----ng massive she says,
The bloke asks, how many feet?
None she replies, it's a F----ng snake
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In reply to Post #1
A young woman walks into a supermarket. On her way round she sees the man with whom she had sex the previous evening, after they met in a pub.
He is stacking washing powder boxes on shelves.
"You lying sod!" she yells. "Last night you told me you were a stunt pilot!"
"No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."
Tel
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In reply to Post #2345
A bloke takes his wife to the doctors as he's worried about her.. The doctor says well I'm not sure whether you wife's got aids or alzheimers. Only way to find out is to go for a drive, drop her off 10 miles from home and if she comes home don't f@#k her!!!!!
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In reply to Post #2344
 
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In reply to Post #2343
A bloke threw a tub of margarine at me in sainsburys over a fortnight ago , splitting my eyebrow .
Can't believe it's not better
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In reply to Post #2342
Bert, in the old folks home said to Gladys "I'm leaving you and I'm gonna go with Doris cos she holds my one eyed trouser snake all night", Gladys said "so do I" yes said Bert but Doris has parkinson's . 
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In reply to Post #2341
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A blind carpenter go's into a timber yard for a job, the boss says your blind how can you do anything?
the chippie says "just by smell I can tell what a timber is and where it came from" Mmmm says the boss I'll test you, he lays a piece of wood on a bench and says lean forward and smell the wood, after moving his head a couple of times he says "its BC Pine from Canada", right says the boss, next, try this one, after a few sniffs he says " this is Oak from England", right, the boss cant believe this so he go's to the office and tells the girl to strip and lay on the bench face down, ok if you get this one I'll take you on, the chippie sniffs and sniffs then says turn it over I'm not sure about this one, the girl turns over and he sniffs again, "Yeah I got its a khazi door from a trawler boat in Grimsby".
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In reply to Post #2339
Got felt up by a blind woman last night. She said I had the thickest, longest shaft she'd ever felt.
She was pulling my leg
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In reply to Post #2338
I've woke myself up three times this week with my snoring ,
So **** it , tonight I'm gonna go sleep in the spare room
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In reply to Post #1
So Jurgen Klopp has finally got his first win at Liverpool.
Apparently it was due to a motivational text from his older brother clippity.
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A woman knocked at our door and said she was
collecting for the new swimming pool so I gave her a bucket of water.
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