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In reply to Post #656
bumped into noel edmounds the other day,so i said to him if you dont give me a 100k,i will tell the police i gave you a **** on swap shop, deal or no deal........
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One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labour with 3 children.
Her husband didn't want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was OK and the babies were fine as well.
16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said "mum mum guess what?"
"What?"
I pi$$ed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said "mum mum guess what I pi$$ed out a bullet."
So the mum told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said "mum mum guess what?"
The mum said "let me guess you pi$$ed out a bullet."
"No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!"
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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In reply to Post #654
 
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How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
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In reply to Post #652
 
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where's your f@cking Ferrari??
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In reply to Post #647
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
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My missus has asked for something in silk for Christmas...
No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the f--king wrong colour!
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In reply to Post #647
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Kate Middleton fell pregnant because William wasn’t able to use one of the best forms of contraception.
A tit ****.
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Having green fingers is usually a good thing.
Unless you're with the hulk's daughter when he arrives home.
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In reply to Post #644
I was at a restaurant amd my waitress had a black eye....so i ordered rreeeaallllyyyy slow, because she obviously doesnt listen!
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My mate from Toxteth has just got his kids a trampoline and a couple of bikes for Christmas from the internet.I asked him which website he saw them on.he replied "Google Earth"
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For years I thought I had a birthmark on my arse. It turned out to be a cigar burn.
Hows about that then?
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