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guy goes into the clinic says "I've got a strawberry up my arse" Doc says I've got some cream for that.
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In reply to Post #2577
Bill & Ben lying in bed.
Bill says "Flibber, flobba, flibber flobba"
Ben says "If you loved me, you'd swallow that"
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In reply to Post #2578
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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”
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In reply to Post #2576
Tel
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In reply to Post #2575
It's hard to find any good chemistry jokes anymore
All the best Argon
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In reply to Post #2574
Teacher. OK class, when we visited the farm today can you tell me what sounds we heard.
Sarah. I heard Bah Bah.
James. I heard snort snort.
Billy. I heard "get off that f****** tractor"
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Donald trump goes to the hospital for a circumcision. The doctor says I can not operate on this man, There's no end to this p#@ck!!
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Mick says to Paddy "why did you name your dogs Rolex & Timex"?
Paddy replied coz there're watch dogs
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I came home from work tonight and the missus says "can I have £5000."
What for I ask her.
She says I want it for a boob job.
You don't need £5000 I said, all you need is a bit of toilet roll. Rub it in between your boobs twice a day and your boobs will be enormous.
Really, she said.
Of course, look what it's done for your arse.
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One day, a husband exclaims to his wife, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!"
Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
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A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.
So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything."
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes, the bartender just can't take it anymore.
"You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here."
And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."
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| | | mal | | Posts: 8986 |  | |
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I hate my insomnia
But on the plus side it's only 3 sleeps til christmas
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| | | mal | | Posts: 8986 | | |
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Handy tip.
When being chased by psycho taxidermist, never 'play dead'
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A young married couple was discussing love making, she said you just rip yer clothes off....fling em in the air then jump into bed rip my jim jams off start banging away....why can't you have some respect and good manners....like you do when we are at the dinner table, next time they go to bed he takes his clothes off lays them on a chair, slowly and gently pulls back the sheets slide in gracefully and says can you pass the pussy please.
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