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'Phone rings, woman answers.
Pervert with heavy breathing says, 'I bet you have a tight arse, with no hair.'
Woman replies 'Yes, he's watching the football. Who shall I say is calling?'
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In reply to Post #818
And any Newcastle fans a bit peed off they are losing their idol, apparently the club have an offer on for only £3 you can have the letters "stard" added on to your existing shirt. 
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So a bloke has a hand transplant.. Surely they should have called it a handjob
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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
...
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
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In reply to Post #817
Anyway..... Back on track..
Chelsea fans wanting to save money on a Demba Ba replica shirt?
Just cut off the word 'DROG' from the one you wore last season.
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In reply to Post #815
writting pakistani is one thing writting paki is another thing ,so lets kill the story here and write a funny joke. 
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In reply to Post #814
Chill out,you don't have to be Pakistani to be a c--t,this is a joke tread and as for your post before that,you lost me there  .be happy
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In reply to Post #788
saying paki **** is not nice is it 
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In reply to Post #787
must have used all ur hair for embroidery 
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The wife wasn't too happy when I told her I wanted a full-sized tattoo of Megan Fox's face.
"I won't lie and tell you I like the idea." She said.
"And where would you like that?"
"Well if I'm honest," I told her..
"Somewhere between your hairline and your chin."
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In reply to Post #808
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"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," I said.
She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.
"No," I said.
She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"
"No," I said, intrigued.
"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
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| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
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Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow.
Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.
Cop: Excuse me mam, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?
Driver: Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.
Cop: Mam, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.
Driver: Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.
The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.
Cop: Is everyone alright?
Driver: Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on highway 151
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Last. Nite I had a w**k just before 12 so it felt like the whole country was behinds counting down a cheering me on!
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In reply to Post #806
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