"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some tampons."

Bill Kenwright was in Tesco the other day,.,. he saw an old lady struggling to reach a box on the top shelf..............

"Can you manage love"? he asked....

"**** off" she shouted.., "I don't want the bloody job either"

In reply to Post #1770

Little Johnny: "Let's see, £6,000 for materials, £4,000 for labour, then there's the electrics and the plumbing. Will do the job for 12,000."

Little Patel: "I am sorry, I know my shop needs this extension but I have only £9,000 to offer you, Plus all your discounted grocery needs."

Teacher: "What on earth is going on here?"

Little Johnny: "Please miss, we are playing cowboys and Indians."

In reply to Post #1769

"I can't believe they show this rubbish on TV, just because it is a cup final. It's not real football, the players are sub-standard and nobody is really interested."

"That's very sexist" said my wife, "Women's football has come a long way in recent years, it is now professional and has a strong domestic league and international competitions."

"Who's talking about Women's football, I mean the Scottish Cup"

Lionel Richie is to be opening a kebab shop just for Muslims, Halal is it meat your looking for!

I met a bloke from Oklahoma this morning.

In my garden.

I was watching football when the wife sat beside me,stroked my cock through my jeans and whispered,"fancy a ****?"
I said, "you're after something" "No i'm not," she protested.
"Yes you are,"i said. "You're after match of the day.Come back in an hour.

My girlfriend hates it when I slip my cock out of her and finish myself off over her pussy.

She says his hair gets really matted.

After a long night of making love, Danny rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked Sheila if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, Sheila replied, "That's me before the operation."

In reply to Post #1779
gud un!

In reply to Post #1775

In reply to Post #1781
at school teacher said right where is pakistan? jonny says out there playing football with paki dave

In reply to Post #1782