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Joke Thread
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sik

Posts: 2391

#1379 19 Mar 2013 at 8.22pm

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to make his first jump from an airplane. The next day he called home to tell his father about it.

“So, did you jump?” the father asked.

“Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!”

“Is that when you jumped?” asked the father.

“Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door.”

“Did you jump then?” asked the father.

“I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he’d kick my ass.”

“So, did you jump?”

“Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over to the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, ‘Boy, are you gonna jump or not?’”

“I said, ‘No, sir. I'm too scared.’ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, ‘Boy, either you jump out that door, or I’m sticking this baby up your @ss!’”

“So… did you jump?” asked the father.

“Well, a little, at first.

sik

Posts: 2391

#1378 19 Mar 2013 at 8.17pm

In reply to Post #1376

sik

Posts: 2391

#1377 19 Mar 2013 at 8.17pm

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1376 19 Mar 2013 at 6.23pm

I flopped my cock out in front of my doctor this morning and said, "What do you reckon?"

She had a good look and said, "It's fine."

"Cool," I said, putting it back into my pants, "I'm here to give up smoking."

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1375 19 Mar 2013 at 6.22pm

In reply to Post #1374

sik

Posts: 2391

#1374 19 Mar 2013 at 5.34pm

The teacher in Johnny’s school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
“Mary, what does your parents do?”
Little Mary replied, “My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse.”
“That’s very nice,” said the teacher. “Robert, what do your parents do?”
Robert proudly exclaimed, “My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!”
“That’s very nice,” said the teacher, “Johnny, what do your parents do?”
He stood up and pronounced, “My dad’s dead and my mom’s a hooker.”
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal’s office. 15 minutes later, he returned.
“Did you tell the principal what you said in class?” asked the teacher.
Johnny replied, “Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number

WaftyCranker

Posts: 3455

#1373 19 Mar 2013 at 10.30am

In reply to Post #1372

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1372 19 Mar 2013 at 9.42am

My wife said, "Where've you put my anal beads?"

At first I wouldn't tell her the truth, but in the end, she dragged it out of me.

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1371 18 Mar 2013 at 8.46pm

Is 'Pussylips' one word, or should I spread them apart?

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1370 18 Mar 2013 at 8.44pm

You may like my collection of natural salt water and jizz.

Cum and sea.

Mr-Bean-Laden

Posts: 2213

#1369 18 Mar 2013 at 8.39pm

My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman.

"I want you to go!" she screamed.

I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?"

"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.

I sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

sik

Posts: 2391

#1368 18 Mar 2013 at 5.28pm

In reply to Post #1362

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1367 18 Mar 2013 at 4.06pm

In reply to Post #1365

SlugHunter

Posts: 22752

#1366 18 Mar 2013 at 2.51pm

I hear Blue Peter are looking for a Transsexual presenter.

Here's one I made girlier

sik

Posts: 2391

#1365 18 Mar 2013 at 2.40pm

A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, “Open the safe.”

She says, “This isn’t a real bank; it’s a sperm bank.”

He says, “Open the safe or I’ll shoot.”

She opens the safe, and he says, “Now take one of the bottles and drink it.”

After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.

He says, “Now you see? It’s not so difficult, is it?


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