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In reply to Post #45
Take care mate.
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In reply to Post #45
Thoughts are with you we did same for our mom no fuss no funeral it wasn't what see would have wanted,I think about her everyday and have good and bad days miss her so much,she done so much for us even though she was blind and deaf she was always there to help us.
I struggle with flash backs when I was there as she passed her away,her final communication to me was when she had fluid in her throat cleared and they lowered her bed down and she struggled to breath and I lifted it back up and she raised her thumb as if to say thanks and that was the last we had of communication with her,although I got my partner down to hospital and her daughter to come and say their goodbyes a few days before and she always got on with my partner and her daughters and she was squeezing their hands as if to say she knew they were there.
I really feel for you mate it's a long hard process but it will never go away but it gets easier
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In reply to Post #37
So sorry mate. Must be such a shock still.
I lost my wife four years ago to cancer too. Fishing for me was and is incredibly life giving when the grief can be overwhelming. My daughter and I would go overnight together which I think helped us both.
I know we've never met but if you ever want to talk to someone a bit further down to road or let off steam drop me a PM and I'll give you a call.
All the best
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I've just been to see her off. She didn't want the fuss of a funeral, so she's had a direct cremation instead. I stood outside the crematorium and watched her final journey from there.
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In reply to Post #37
Sorry to hear about your loss Simon. Stay strong Fella. 
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In reply to Post #37
Really sorry to hear that mate, please accept my condolences.
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In reply to Post #37
So sorry to hear this Simon. Words are pointless. I pray there is some relief for you soon. Your wife would want you to be out there fishing, doing what you love.
To the rest of you. Some very honest words written in this thread. I salute you all.
Stay strong, all of you xx
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In reply to Post #37
Really sorry about your loss stay strong thoughts are with you
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In reply to Post #37
Such sad news buddy take care of yourself , sending my best wishes .
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In reply to Post #37
So sorry to read about your wife, my condolences,, stay strong 
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In reply to Post #37
Sorry for your very recent loss of your wife..
At least here on CF you have fellow minded anglers that are/have experienced your pain to help navigate your grief and personal recovery over time.
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I lost my wife two weeks ago after a very short fight with cancer. I only fish rivers, and the season can't come quick enough for me. Although coming home in the early hours to an empty house is going to take some getting used to.
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In reply to Post #35
That's very true mate my mom would be happy knowing we are still doing what we love,like I said the last year or so has been so difficult I was told I had depression as I hadn't grieved properly I had a few meltdowns including at work I do think I went back to work too soon but it would have been worse at home as I still live in the home we shared with her.
No one knows how much we miss her but life does go on
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In reply to Post #31
When my mom passed away the first sessions I got fishing I felt uneasy and asked to myself what the hell I was doing there, but I continued to go and after a couple of months I felt glad to be on the bank chasing carp. In my opinion it helped me to overcome the grief.
In the same way fishing helps me to be more relaxed and take the everyday stress off.
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In reply to Post #32
https://www.eput.nhs.uk/news/icarps-fishing-therapy-for-ptsd-and-depression-nominated-for-national-mental-health-award/
Could someone kindly link the above for me please .
I work for the mental. Health trust above and please look at the wonderful work Mark and his team are doing .
Working with veterans with PTSD and other mental health patients .
By the way had my first fish from my new syndicate . 32lb cracking mirror .
No signs of anxiety Ÿ˜Ÿ
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It's mental health awareness week next week and Absolute Radio are doing a feature about the benefits of fishing... It's been on each day around 4.30-5pm for the back end of last week and will be on again this coming week... Nice to see some positive mainstream coverage of our passtime...
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I lost my mom in December 2024 And I was in a really bad way my brother literally had to drag me out the house to get out for a night on 19th December,2 weeks after she'd gone and I was standing in water at 1am just taking it all in,my mom was so happy whenever we all caught(I'm the only carper my brothers match fish)she knew how much we loved our fishing since we were very young,I've struggled for over a year coming to terms with her passing and if I catch I dedicate it to my mom,my fishing winds me down from stress at work and it’s time for me to think of all the good times we had with her as we were her carers,as she was blind and deaf.
I'm out now and lost 2 on Wednesday and an hour ago I had a 15.12 not big but she'd be happy I caught and it was always a big fish to her,I sat down had a smoke and a hot drink and I've had a little robin come to visit me,they do say it's a sign from a passed parent if one pops up.
But yeah we all need a reset every so often it's great to be out even if the fish aren't playing ball
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In reply to Post #28
I couldn't believe how relaxed I felt once again
Always been a get away from normal life for me. Unplug, relax, enjoy the peace and quite, the views and the fish
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Van nearly packed off for my second trip to my new syndicate .
First session on my own apprehensive but buzzing .
Next trip will be taking my dog for her first session .
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In reply to Post #25
I agree,very inspiring for me also.I had heart problems and as soon as I was physically able to get back out on the bank,I couldn't believe how relaxed I felt once again. Fishing is truly the most underrated pastime,not to us anglers though!
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Always god to fish with a mate as well. Fished last friday to sunday with my fishing buddy. Great few days just talking, chilling etc.
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In reply to Post #24
Well Done  Inspiring
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Over three years of hospital trips ( over 120) for me including 30 monthly cancer treatments. Physically I was fine and was working full time throughout most of it. Hardest bit was the mental strain. Decided against any counselling services from McMillan and chose to develop my own strategies. What really helped was the fishing including the bait making.Focused on a local so called rock hard water. Did very well, had some special fish. Was doing mid week overnights and often going to work on 2 hours sleep after bagging up on bream. Looking back it was a mad time but with many good memories.
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Some great posts in here lads.
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In reply to Post #19
And I blanked 😠lovely time can't wait to go again .
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In reply to Post #20
Similar to me, all about the great outdoors and being in nature, no better place to relax for me. Keep it going, good for the mind, body and soul
If the truth be known i bet the majority use it as an escape from normal life. I have all my life, I like the peace, quite, tranquility and some time alone
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Had a full on crisis in 22, lost everything and I mean everything! Gave up on life and and was at the lowest point in my life. Months of counciling, life help courses and sorting my life out. Was advised by mental health practitioners to take up some hobbies again and look for new hobbies that are not solitary. So got myself sorted mentally and stabilised my life. Started golf but its never taken a hold and clubs are still in lockup for the last 18 months. Then 1 day thought I will get rods out again.i now live 400 yards from a small day ticket water and had done so for a year. Went for a day and thoroughly enjoyed it. Usual day ticket dramas *******s etc. But good. Went for 1 day a week for a year and eventually got offered a syndicate place for last winter and now a yearly ticket. Still only doing 1 day a week and the lake is 1/2 mile away go with a neighbour as my new missus is worried im on my own but I now look forward to every trip and now spring has sprung I'm loving fishing and watching nature again ðŸ‘🻠its not about large carp of numbers its everything that goes with it.
My advice is if you think your life is spiralling out of control seek help dont try and cope it doesn't work.
My second bit of advice is dont get rid of your fishing kit 😎😎😎
Sorry if this has babbled on 🤞ðŸ»
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Well first night on the bank in over a year .
The anxiety kicked in yesterday and all I wanted to do was go home .
Today I have woken refreshed and sitting here looking out over the lake drinking a cuppa.
13 acre lake averages around 20 feet deep.
Slept really well and feeling a lot more relaxed and less anxious , if you would have told me years ago I would get anxious fishing I would have told you to do one.
I'm in my happy place doing something I love â¤ï¸
If I catch it's a bonus .
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Someone should send a link to this thread to Chris pacham..
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A cruel, yet incredibly beautiful game we play.
Nourishment for the soul.
It's in our DNA.
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I haven't seriously been fishing since before covid.
Last "proper time out " was early may bank holiday 2019 that was a weekend Friday lunchtime until Sunday lunchtime and that was a social booking.
Had a morning out carp fishing Xmas day 2024 got bored and went home.
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In reply to Post #9
Fantastic post as said only recently men are talking about their mental health .
I work for an NHS mental health trust and witnessed the positive experiences fishing has .
Having being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder around 10 years ago I fall in and out of love with fishing .
I joined a syndicate last year and never went I just could not bring myself to go.
Joined a new one this year and off on Monday for 5 nights and I'm buzzing .
Respooled my reels , 10kg of plum zing arrived and using Marks hook baits .
I enjoy logging on to the forum and received some fantastic , informative information.
If I catch next week it's a bonus being under the Brolly is what it's all about .
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In reply to Post #11
Great post Chris
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I have swings and roundabout moments with fishing, I stopped going for about 6 years and started again in 2019. Sometimes I'm really keen to go and other times I find it hard to get the motivation to go. I think in carp fishing we can get too focused on catching and competing with other anglers rather than just enjoying being out!
I don't think I could ever fully give it up, because there's always that excitement in the mind when you see a lively bit of water and you think to yourself you want to fish that! I think exploring other aspects of fishing rather than just carp helps with the buzz, like barbel fishing, or staging the float/feeder tip.
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The ups and down of life eh!
I think it's fair to say that it's only more recent that men have been talking about their mental health problems without shame or the fear of criticism for being weak, man up. For woman I believe it's been acceptable to be an emotional being and they have talked in their little groups for years.
I have never been diagnosed but If I look back at my life I have struggled with my mental health all my life and have always questioned myself, as you do. Fishing, other sports and pastimes have been a distraction to it, you put your efforts into other things, and it takes your mind of it. Its still there but it goes to the back of your mind when you are doing other things. I have lived my life in the fast lane as a result all the time, very fast, I need to be doing something to occupy my mind, the good news is fishing helps you relax too.
Like most I have experienced life changing moments, within two years I lost my father-in-law to prostate cancer, lovely bloke, my mum, my wife of 25 years (got it right the second time) after a 5 year battle with breast cancer, that is nearly two years ago now, and then my Dad after a stroke, and he also had prostrate cancer. All the people who meant the most to me in my life. I have had some pretty low times as you can imagine, and when you see these people go down in front of your its truly heartbreaking, but ultimately you have no option than to bounce back from it, as humans we do.
This is my learning though. Life can be very cruel, and life is precious, extremely precious, more precious than you will ever believe, and you realise this when you see the people that you really love and mean something to you fight, fight and fight until their very last breathe, this is when you realise what life really means. Enjoy life whilst you still have it because for sure it is limited and death comes to us all, this is a fact. There has never been a truer saying then "live everyday like it's your last because one day it will be" how many people do that, it took me 4 bereavements to come to this conclusion, and everyone reenforced it along the way if I had any doubt, even though I still struggle with it. So, when you think life is crap it is not, we still have life, never, ever, ever, forget that some people don't have life anymore, do something with it whilst you still have it.
Believe it or not there is a whole world out there and a whole load of experiences, enjoy them whilst you are still here. If the pressures or work or life become too much, have a break, do a bit of fishing or whatever else ticks your box but don't sit with your head in your hands looking for the bad things in life because I will tell you this, you will find every single one and a lot more!
This is the man up point, people rely on men, partners, your kids, your grandkids and even your parents whilst they are still here so you need to man up at times and support them. Having our own hobbies can be good for ourselves but you need to find a balance for other things too.
Live every day like its your last!
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In reply to Post #9
I have 2 sets of friends. Fishing and Non-fishing!!
The fishing friends are all chaps that i have met on the bank over the years and spent countless hours on various banks with. The chap i fish with a lot at the moment i have known for a few years. Spent some great times with the usual chat about anything and everything, totally different backgrounds, different football teams etc. but the same passion to get out in the great outdoors for a few days at a time. Beers, BBQ's and plenty of banter and the odd fish as well!!!
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The thing with fishing is it won't cheat on you - just a constant and I love that it gives a timeline of your life. I have about 45 years of documented carp fishing photos and despite my other interests and hobbies only this can spark the 1981 or 2001 type memories.
For anyone that truly enjoys our sport it means so much, chatting rubbish with someone you've only just met and a sense of camaraderie- and that for me is the rub. The internet, has changed some of that- lots of selfish wannabes that see fishing as a career, competitive and life changing, it's really not. It's a pathetic pastime - utterly pointless- but one I will love forever - it can magnify your mood, so when I'm a dark place I don't recommend losing yourself in isolation- it's like a good drug, take it for a positive- never for a negative. The bloke you banter with could be a lawyer or a gangster but for the time you spend together they are just another angler, and in old fashioned money was on the same team.
So much has changed- and there is so much to dislike about modern life that has crept into our sport, botching, one upmanship and plain nastinesses.
So forgive my bitching on threads such and the RH fisheries ones, where people say live and let live - not for me, you are monetising and creating unrealistic expectations from what was a getaway past time. When I try and explain my love of fishing to non anglers I have long given up telling tales of nature, the hunt, the solitude and conviction needed and now resort to the simple "if I sat out in the country on my own making tea and sitting down alone, you'd call me a pervert, 3 rods solves that - I go from weirdo to angler in your mind, and I will take that.
It's not jumpers for goal posts, but it's tadpoles, kites, red admiral's, cocky robins, deformed geese, deer, unfathomable knots,, wondering how the fk a pear tree grew there, timid field mice, rats the size of cats, shooting stars, hot air balloons, convincing yourself that if you can hit a rod with a 14mm boilie from 8 yards it's a sign from the gods, pondering what you would do with an eighty million euro win and if you actually stand a chance with the barmaid that smiled at you a month ago - carp - they are a by product of meandering down a path named angling.
Look across the lake next time you go, and when you see someone bent into a fish, rather than be green and think I hope it falls off, remember the day you went fishing and really needed that high - that may be them today. I
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Some touching posts on here..... enjoy your fishing lads and i agree theres times in my own life that it was my sanity and my escape.. helped me through bad times..... love it more then ever.
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In reply to Post #6
Have always fished, no ember of my family went, but I did, and its been a life saver. Have had a few years of **** recently, several operations, horrendous stuff with the woman who gave birth to me and put me into foster care etc. Still struggle to smile, have had few bad thoughts but I certainly remember sitting on the river last winter and genuinely smiling when long tailed tit's were in the tree above me. That moment made me realise that fishing literally saved my life. Couldn't do without it, whether on 300 acre pits or tiny streams, its about doing it and being alone against the fish
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I agree we are lucky to have this sport as part of our lives, it really is in a fisherman's blood once it is there and usually there for life.
I don't think others really get it at all, it does sound very boring and obviously has that reputation... But if they gave it a go they would see for themselves, although I do get that it is not for everyone - like most things.
Those who know me can tell a big change in my attitude when I get back from fishing, a certain glint in the eye, spring in my step, and I do feel more alive.
Long may it continue for us all, and my heart goes out to those who are no longer able to manage to pursue their hobbies due to illness or old age.
Places like Carpforum are always here for those in that position, who need a fishing related fix.
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Lost my wife last June and after she passed i was told i should go out every week for a days fishing.It was one of the best decisions i made just to get away from it all for a few hours and do one of the things i love.The club water i fish has a memorial garden and just by chance one of the other members was putting some flowers down anyway we got talking and it turned out he had lost his wife about the same time as me and we literally just stood and talked and i know for me it helped talking to someone who was in the same situation as me at the time.I havent fished since early November because my mate who drives wouldnt fish in the cold and i havent renewed my ticket for the year yet due to finances being tight.I know i need to get it sorted and go soon though for the good of my mental health
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I have COPD and have been on meds for anxiety, depression, anger, OCD, stress and lord knows what else for quite a few years.
Fishing to me is the great release. 3 days on the bank, no luxuries of home, sitting on a bucket for my number twos, gas stoves, rain, and getting my kit filthy which sets my OCD off!
I do take my tablet with me to watch films at night and maybe a bit of sport but thats about the height of my luxury. I try and fish with my mate as much as poss so we can chat rubbish, cook each other some grub and share a beer or two.
May only have a few years left on the bank but i try to make the most of it depending on what ailment is affecting me most!
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A couple of years ago I never fished at all for over 2 years not that I didn't want to life just was busy
I will never forget the first trip back after the break I looked at my wife and said never again I'm I not going fishing I'm not spiritual or anything but when I got my rods out and sat in my chair I literally felt life's stress just pour out of me and run into the ground through my feet it was the biggest release of stress have ever felt and the worst of it is I didn't even know I was stressed until I sat in the chair
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Well said ...
I believe Angling to literally be a lifesaver ,it's even recommended by doctors to combat stress and anxiety..
For me,no fishing = no life ,I'm sure I'm not alone with that thinking ..
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Fishing "” it's the great redeemer. It's kept me literally out of prison over the years.
Non-participants… do they realise how wonderful it is? I don't think so.
I've been doing this since I was 8. Started on the Lea, nets to nylon on cane and worms from allotments and compost heaps to catch minnows.
Our pastime "” it's wonderful. Calming. Grounding. A whole plethora of other worlds.
You see things that others never will: grebes dancing, bats flying… The natural world is a wonderful thing for us to participate in.
I've tried with my kids to get them to see what it can do. Do they see it? I think they do. I can but hope.
Anyway, we should consider ourselves lucky. We have the greatest pastime bar none in our lives.
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