To save time and money, Chelsea have sacked their next manager too.

TEXTING for over 40s

The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more matured.....

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kickin In!

Since January 2011, Fernando Torres has had more managers than goals.

A lorry has arrived in London loaded with barbed wire and wooden posts.................................

turns out to be the Irish Olympic fencing team


i would just like to say that i hope the reference to irish ethnic origin isnt construde as being a racist slur against that great country and its people

To the lady driving in front of me, putting on make-up with one hand and texting with the other, please stop hitting your brake.... you're going to make me spill my beer.

I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently, "A meal for two with a terrible view" isn't the best way to announce number 69!

In reply to Post #39
Travelling on the tube this morning I was eyeing up this fit bird.
she tagged me and said
"What are you looking at"
I replied "8 to 16 years depending on how much you struggle"

As my wife regained consciousness after a six month coma, the doctor said:

"She's awake sir, you can speak to her."

"Ok" I said, "I'll ask you again, and this time I want the truth... where were you 'til midnight?"

My girlfriend said bringing toys into the bedroom would spice up our sex lives... So I double fisted her with a set of Hulk Hands.

Hahahaha

In reply to Post #42

In reply to Post #42
I was watching a film with my little boy. He said "dad, I'm getting scared, is that lady going to die"? I said "probably son, judging by the size of that horses cock"....

I went to a sex shop and the lady behind the counter said "Hello, the S&M section is just over there."So I nodded my head. I would have thanked her but I had my gimp mask on at the time

This big girl walked over to me at the bar, lifted her leg up onto my stool and seductively showed me a tattoo that went up her inner thigh.What dya think? She said.My ex had one of them so i dumped her.What? A tattoo?No, i mean a fat belly

A new sex study shows the 'doggie style' position is the most used by married couples . Husband sits up and begs. Wife rolls over and plays dead