|
|
|
|
If my wife puts ketchup on the table it means no sex as she's on her period.
If she puts salad cream then she wants some cum in her tonight.
And if she puts mustard then she has an infection. Things have got so much easier since we started using sauce code.
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1585
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1585
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1585
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 |  | |
|
|
A Airline pilot announces during flight that the plane is going to land in 2 hours. He forgets to put off the microphone& says to the co-pilot “I am going to have tea first & fcuk the air hostess for an hour. Listening to this, the hostess rushes towards cockpit to shut of the microphone but stumbles on a kids leg & falls down. The kid say “U really desperate for a fcuk, aint you? Didn't you hear he's gonna have tea first!!!
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fcuk him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea.
|
|
|
|
|
Good to see Suarez getting revenge for his fallen brothers and sisters in the horse-meat scandal!
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
|
The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I said I was looking for cheap flights. I LOVE YOU she said, then she got all excited and unzipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever--which is a odd because she's never shown any interest in Darts before,
|
|
| | | sik | | Posts: 2391 | | |
|
In reply to Post #1575
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1578
Went down the local swimming pool the other day, thought I would have a cheeky slash in the deep end. Well, the lifeguard blew his whistle that loud I nearly fell in
|
|
|
|
|
Any chances of me giving my girlfriend scat sex tonight have just gone down the ****ter.
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1575
|
|
|
|
I was at the beach with my young son when a beautiful, buxom brunette in a bikini walked by.
"Wow- look at her!" he exclaimed
"It's not polite to point like that in public, son," I told him. "Next time use your finger."
|
|
|
|
In reply to Post #1575
|
|
|
|
I walked up to a dwarf in a bar last night and said, "Do you fancy a fu*k?"
"No thanks," she replied, "You're a weirdo."
"I'm the ****ing weirdo?" I said, "You're the one who has been staring at my boll*cks for the last 20 minutes."
|
|
