The bookies hot favorite to bag an Oscar this year?..... Pretoria State Prison

In reply to Post #1139
two belters

In reply to Post #1139

Walking through town one day I came across a young boy with a box of newborn puppies at his feet. "Do you want to buy a puppy mister?" He asked "What sort of puppies are they?" I enquired "They're Christian puppies" he answered "That's nice" I answered "But no don't want one." The next day walking through town, this time with my wife, we saw the same boy, so I told my wife to ask him about his special puppies "What sort of puppies are those?" She asked "Atheist puppies" he answered "Wait a minute!" I said "Yesterday you said they were Christian puppies." "I know" he replied "But now their eyes have opened."

Explanation for there being no male agony aunts!

Dear Bill, I am a 42 yr old mother. I left for work but after a mile or so, my car broke down. I had to walk home again, and on arriving home I found my 16 year old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform, sucking my husbands cock. I am devastated! Can you help?

Dear Susie, a common cause for this, is dirt in your carburettor. Don't let your fuel drop too low in the tank. Hope this helps.

In reply to Post #1124
Oscar pestorius

Giving a new meaning to taking your Mrs out on Valentines day!!

In reply to Post #1154
Oscar pestorius


It must have been dark in that house when he shot her as he said he couldnt see two feet in front of him!!

In reply to Post #1155

I'm not saying my wife was a bit of a slag in her youth..

But when I first met her, she had a higher sperm count than me.

What movie do you get if you cross Oscar Pistorius and Mike Tyson?....

Shinless Lisp.

In reply to Post #1158

In reply to Post #1146

I was visiting my daughter the other day when i asked if i could borrow a news paper,my "Know it all" daughter sarcastically laughed and said,"this is the 21st century,we don't waste money on news papers.Here you can borrow my laptop."
Well l can tell you now,that fly didn't know what the f--k hit it!.

Last year my mate Dave found out that he couldn't have kids.

He was absolutely devastated, so being the kind of guy I am, I offered to have sex with his wife, which they both agreed to.

Dave called me today and said, "Look, you've been shagging my wife twice a day for the last six months and she still isn't pregnant."

"That's probably because I had a vasectomy back in 2009." I replied.

my missus said to me " can you explain to me why i found a pair of womens knickers
in youre coat pocket ?
i said yes , its coz youre a ****ing nosey cow