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Joke Thread (2,781 posts / 660,198 views)
davecarp1 davecarp1
Posts: 418
Post #803 31 Dec 2012 14:27
0
In reply to Post #778
true so true
Bluemoon1 Bluemoon1
Posts: 469
Post #804 31 Dec 2012 14:28
0
In reply to Post #802
Happy new year to you all. I am contacting you now as I suffer from premature congratulations.
carpy09 carpy09
Posts: 14,247
Post #805 31 Dec 2012 15:45
0
In reply to Post #798
jimmyAd jimmyAd
Posts: 8,987
Post #806 31 Dec 2012 20:39
0
I got 3 young kids and work all year to make sure they get what they want christmas morning, only for that fat **** with the beard to get all the credit.....my fault really for marrying her
carpy09 carpy09
Posts: 14,247
Post #807 31 Dec 2012 21:13
0
In reply to Post #806
WaftyCranker WaftyCranker
Posts: 3,455
Post #808 1 Jan 2013 08:12
0
Last. Nite I had a w**k just before 12 so it felt like the whole country was behinds counting down a cheering me on!
sik sik
Posts: 2,391
Post #809 1 Jan 2013 18:23
0
Cop pulls over a car for driving too slow.

Cop walks up to the car & sees an elderly woman behind the wheel.

Cop: Excuse me mam, can you tell me why you were driving so slow on the highway?

Driver: Officer, I was only going the speed limit. There was a sign back a half mile that said the it was 14mph.

Cop: Mam, the speed limit is 55mph, the sign you saw was for this road, Highway 14.

Driver: Oh my, that makes a lot of sense now. I apologize & I'll make sure I look closer at the signs.

The cop then looks around the car & notices that all of the passengers look like they've seen a ghost.

Cop: Is everyone alright?

Driver: Oh yes. They'll be fine. They always have that look on their face after I drive on highway 151
SlugHunter SlugHunter
Posts: 22,752
Post #810 1 Jan 2013 19:49
0
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #811 1 Jan 2013 20:28
0
In reply to Post #808
SlugHunter SlugHunter
Posts: 22,752
Post #812 2 Jan 2013 16:17
0
The wife wasn't too happy when I told her I wanted a full-sized tattoo of Megan Fox's face.

"I won't lie and tell you I like the idea." She said.

"And where would you like that?"

"Well if I'm honest," I told her..

"Somewhere between your hairline and your chin."
BEHAPPY BEHAPPY
Posts: 44
Post #813 3 Jan 2013 10:30
0
In reply to Post #787
must have used all ur hair for embroidery
BEHAPPY BEHAPPY
Posts: 44
Post #814 3 Jan 2013 12:37
0
In reply to Post #788
saying paki **** is not nice is it
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #815 3 Jan 2013 14:31
0
In reply to Post #814
Chill out,you don't have to be Pakistani to be a c--t,this is a joke tread and as for your post before that,you lost me there .be happy

BEHAPPY BEHAPPY
Posts: 44
Post #816 3 Jan 2013 17:07
0
In reply to Post #815
writting pakistani is one thing writting paki is another thing ,so lets kill the story here and write a funny joke.
WaftyCranker WaftyCranker
Posts: 3,455
Post #818 3 Jan 2013 19:03
0
In reply to Post #817


Anyway..... Back on track..

Chelsea fans wanting to save money on a Demba Ba replica shirt?

Just cut off the word 'DROG' from the one you wore last season.
Are you sure?

This action cannot be undone.

Yes, continue

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