In reply to Post #1
I went through this about 20 years ago.
Two kids (who were 11 and 9 at the time) so not ideal (when is it ever?)
We decided that the house was to be sold, she "allowed" me to take £12k out of the proceeds to put a deposit down on a new flat, and she took the rest.
Started out with a solicitor but as mentioned, very expensive. Pulled the plug on that and decided to go the 2 years separation route.
I put my deposit down on the flat, keeping enough back to buy me new, essential bits and pieces. I found it difficult initially, spending all my spare time doing up the flat. Eventually started going out again, and shortly after met Sam who was widowed.
Ex wife moved into rented accommodation and blew her share of the dosh.
That's when the problems started. It was then all about money, money, money.
CSA caused quite a bit of grief, but I got there in the end.
Fast forward to today, I am happily married again, my two kids have grown up and are no worse off for the experience.
Ex wife and I hardly speak to each other (no bitterness, just got nothing in common, which was what split us up in the first place). She's married again, so all's well that ends well.
It's tough, no-one can deny that. It's difficult to see what lies ahead. But it does get better given time.
Important thing to remember as far as the kids are concerned. I know it's difficult but don't spoil them rotten at visiting time. Treat them how you would normally, otherwise they come to look on their visits as "treat time" and forget the real reason why they are coming to see their Dad.
I went through this about 20 years ago.
Two kids (who were 11 and 9 at the time) so not ideal (when is it ever?)
We decided that the house was to be sold, she "allowed" me to take £12k out of the proceeds to put a deposit down on a new flat, and she took the rest.
Started out with a solicitor but as mentioned, very expensive. Pulled the plug on that and decided to go the 2 years separation route.
I put my deposit down on the flat, keeping enough back to buy me new, essential bits and pieces. I found it difficult initially, spending all my spare time doing up the flat. Eventually started going out again, and shortly after met Sam who was widowed.
Ex wife moved into rented accommodation and blew her share of the dosh.
That's when the problems started. It was then all about money, money, money.
CSA caused quite a bit of grief, but I got there in the end.
Fast forward to today, I am happily married again, my two kids have grown up and are no worse off for the experience.
Ex wife and I hardly speak to each other (no bitterness, just got nothing in common, which was what split us up in the first place). She's married again, so all's well that ends well.
It's tough, no-one can deny that. It's difficult to see what lies ahead. But it does get better given time.
Important thing to remember as far as the kids are concerned. I know it's difficult but don't spoil them rotten at visiting time. Treat them how you would normally, otherwise they come to look on their visits as "treat time" and forget the real reason why they are coming to see their Dad.
Im sure if he was bothered posts 14 & 15 he would not have asked the question on here, would he?
In reply to Post #17
So there's know where better to ask than a carp forum? Come on he must be able to speak to someone.
So there's know where better to ask than a carp forum? Come on he must be able to speak to someone.
In reply to Post #18
Your missing the point. Matt asked for advise. His choice, and how do you know that?
Your missing the point. Matt asked for advise. His choice, and how do you know that?
In reply to Post #19
Your completely right I think I am. Why am I commenting on a marriage post on a carp forum 🤦🏼♂️
Good luck matt hope it works itself out
Your completely right I think I am. Why am I commenting on a marriage post on a carp forum 🤦🏼♂️
Good luck matt hope it works itself out
In reply to Post #1
Well done for reaching out mate
Well done for reaching out mate
In reply to Post #20
lets hope he gets it sorted out and it suits his best interests
lets hope he gets it sorted out and it suits his best interests
In reply to Post #22
Both of you need a chance to start a new life,assuming you both work and earn a decent wage hopefully, my own thought is if one of you is moving on with a new partner they should give up more.
Both of you need a chance to start a new life,assuming you both work and earn a decent wage hopefully, my own thought is if one of you is moving on with a new partner they should give up more.
In reply to Post #14
I'm sure if it's not in the right section a mod will move it
I'm sure if it's not in the right section a mod will move it
In reply to Post #23
Lot of stress around currently due to Covid and people being together 24/7. Maybe both of you take a deep breath for the moment and see how you feel about each other when the world is back to normal (if it ever does).
Lot of stress around currently due to Covid and people being together 24/7. Maybe both of you take a deep breath for the moment and see how you feel about each other when the world is back to normal (if it ever does).
Hi All
Matt's about to go through a life changing event and has reached out to the forum so good on him. He could have posted it in the football thread section for all I care as it's more important than either section.
Matt I'm sorry for your situation, my divorce has been going on in the courts for last 17 years now (Not in the uk) best piece of advice I can give you is to avoid getting lawyers involved at all costs and try and do it amicably. Also make the children (Custody, access, visits etc) the number one priority above anything else.
It's a rocky road you are about to travel and I wish you well
Best
Jon
Matt's about to go through a life changing event and has reached out to the forum so good on him. He could have posted it in the football thread section for all I care as it's more important than either section.
Matt I'm sorry for your situation, my divorce has been going on in the courts for last 17 years now (Not in the uk) best piece of advice I can give you is to avoid getting lawyers involved at all costs and try and do it amicably. Also make the children (Custody, access, visits etc) the number one priority above anything else.
It's a rocky road you are about to travel and I wish you well
Best
Jon
In reply to Post #1
been here and have the tee shirt, mostly my fault i'll admit now, fishing and motorbike and not enough time with her, then she strayed ( cow ! ) ....... kids first ...always .. try and organise as much as possible , as solicitors will have open wallet surgery on you..check every text and email twice .....i don't know many that keep it friendly long term tbh but I hope it works out pal
been here and have the tee shirt, mostly my fault i'll admit now, fishing and motorbike and not enough time with her, then she strayed ( cow ! ) ....... kids first ...always .. try and organise as much as possible , as solicitors will have open wallet surgery on you..check every text and email twice .....i don't know many that keep it friendly long term tbh but I hope it works out pal
In reply to Post #27
This is not a women hating post.
In the recent drive by the BBC to increase awareness of domestic abuse in the home during lockdown, the entire emphasis was men beating women. In my experience the greatest misery is suffered by men at the hands of their wives who have become to despise their apparent weakness.
My Uncle George was hounded from the house by my Auntie until all he had was his pipe and his shed. The monster finally took those from him and he was left yearning for the grave. He found it and she cried croc tears at his funeral. As a ten year old, I saw it all.
This is not a women hating post.
In the recent drive by the BBC to increase awareness of domestic abuse in the home during lockdown, the entire emphasis was men beating women. In my experience the greatest misery is suffered by men at the hands of their wives who have become to despise their apparent weakness.
My Uncle George was hounded from the house by my Auntie until all he had was his pipe and his shed. The monster finally took those from him and he was left yearning for the grave. He found it and she cried croc tears at his funeral. As a ten year old, I saw it all.
In reply to Post #28
I'll have a chat with my brother
When he got divorced I think he read "How to get divorced badly" and thought "f*ck that ..... I can do a better job then the book"
Cost him about 500k but he says best money he ever spent
Watching it all unravel I would say try at the start to ask what she feels is reasonable and see if you agree ... If you do move swiftly before her "friends" advice her to go after more
Everything will come down to money and the kids if any sadly mate
Only known one fella get divorced happily and I think he was just glad to see the back of her
Oh ..... And hide your tackle safely somewhere, Seen a few sets up for sale by angry exes
I'll have a chat with my brother
When he got divorced I think he read "How to get divorced badly" and thought "f*ck that ..... I can do a better job then the book"
Cost him about 500k but he says best money he ever spent
Watching it all unravel I would say try at the start to ask what she feels is reasonable and see if you agree ... If you do move swiftly before her "friends" advice her to go after more
Everything will come down to money and the kids if any sadly mate
Only known one fella get divorced happily and I think he was just glad to see the back of her
Oh ..... And hide your tackle safely somewhere, Seen a few sets up for sale by angry exes
In reply to Post #29
"This shouldn't be on a carp forum"
Peopke had the option not to click the thread, rubberneck, then give zero advice though....bit like sticking your head into a pub, having a pint, then telling everyone else to only talk about their drinks
. Some people don't have the luxury of an avenue to get weight off their shoulders to friends, especially when the friends are friends with both parties. Plus, this avenue is impartial and unbiased to the poster.
As said previously, take a step back and look at the overall picture before taking that step. Trial separation (if you both believe all is not lost) is a fantastic route to go down. Whether it is 6 weeks or 6 months, that distance can help people assess what life will be like if that separation is permanent. Financially, if you're both still tied, you can obtain tax relief for the duration if you are living at separate addresses, which will help ease some of the financial burdens. When the time is right, sit down and talk with no outside influences.
Social media AT ALL is a no no. Don't do what my Mrs did and start posting soppy memes and attention seeking, which can go either way in terms of the advice they get. Thankfully, after 6 months she saw sense . I truly hope you think long and hard about this before calling solicitors, however, have an exit plan for now, and for the future, because if it's happened now, it could happen again. Suddenly.
Best wishes, and keep the chin up.
"This shouldn't be on a carp forum"
Peopke had the option not to click the thread, rubberneck, then give zero advice though....bit like sticking your head into a pub, having a pint, then telling everyone else to only talk about their drinks
. Some people don't have the luxury of an avenue to get weight off their shoulders to friends, especially when the friends are friends with both parties. Plus, this avenue is impartial and unbiased to the poster.As said previously, take a step back and look at the overall picture before taking that step. Trial separation (if you both believe all is not lost) is a fantastic route to go down. Whether it is 6 weeks or 6 months, that distance can help people assess what life will be like if that separation is permanent. Financially, if you're both still tied, you can obtain tax relief for the duration if you are living at separate addresses, which will help ease some of the financial burdens. When the time is right, sit down and talk with no outside influences.
Social media AT ALL is a no no. Don't do what my Mrs did and start posting soppy memes and attention seeking, which can go either way in terms of the advice they get. Thankfully, after 6 months she saw sense
. I truly hope you think long and hard about this before calling solicitors, however, have an exit plan for now, and for the future, because if it's happened now, it could happen again. Suddenly.Best wishes, and keep the chin up.