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Joke Thread (2,781 posts / 660,275 views)
ralph69 ralph69
Posts: 10,398
Post #1974 28 Sep 2013 22:29
0
In reply to Post #1972
luckyjim luckyjim
Posts: 3,626
Post #1975 1 Oct 2013 10:05
0
In reply to Post #1973
MY wife got a vibrator, still don't know how to use it, broke 3 teeth last night
luckyjim luckyjim
Posts: 3,626
Post #1976 1 Oct 2013 10:29
0
the vicar see's little Johnny walking down the road with a bottle

Vicar.....hello Johnny how are you today and what have you there in the bottle?

Johnny....It's acid

Vicar....that's very dangerous Johnny, can i swap it for some holy water, the other day i rubbed some on a ladies belly and she had a baby

Johnny....That's nufink i put some acid on my dog's nut's and he overtook a motorbike.
Mr-Bean-Laden Mr-Bean-Laden
Posts: 2,243
Post #1977 3 Oct 2013 20:20
0
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
ralph69 ralph69
Posts: 10,398
Post #1978 4 Oct 2013 16:21
0
worst decision i ever made was having a penis extension...

my house looks ****ing stupid now
elltell elltell
Posts: 1,572
Post #1979 5 Oct 2013 18:04
0
The missus packed my bags and threw me out, as I walked out the door she screamed "I hope you have a slow and painful deaths you old *******" "oh" I replied, "so you want me to stay now"
Boom Boom
elltell elltell
Posts: 1,572
Post #1980 5 Oct 2013 18:12
0
The wife's sister knocked me out yesterday, I was so f----ng angry, what sort of a sick bitch puts chloroform into her dirty knickers!!
gwoods1210 gwoods1210
Posts: 622
Post #1981 11 Oct 2013 13:01
0
In reply to Post #1980
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do you call 20 Manchester United Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
A: Diahorrea


Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
.

Q: What have Man Utd and a 3-pin plug got in common?
A: They're both bugger-all use in Europe.

ilovefishingme ilovefishingme
Posts: 1,459
Post #1982 11 Oct 2013 15:59
0
In reply to Post #1981
city supporter ???
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #1983 11 Oct 2013 19:40
0
In reply to Post #1978
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #1984 11 Oct 2013 19:42
0
my ex-wife is spreading false rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #1985 11 Oct 2013 19:45
0
ive just had some great financial news.
the little african kid that i sponsor has
been eaten by a lion.
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #1986 11 Oct 2013 19:55
0
In reply to Post #1982
either that or his missus has ran off with,Ryan Giggs
ilovefishingme ilovefishingme
Posts: 1,459
Post #1987 22 Oct 2013 15:45
0
In reply to Post #1986
gone a bit quiet on the joke front recently :(
catfish1 catfish1
Posts: 1,629
Post #1988 23 Oct 2013 08:20
0
I fell asleep at a party last night and someone put a tea bag in my mouth.
i went mental,nobody treats me like a mug!
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