I'm not exactly saying my mate's good with the women... but put it this way - he's seen more f**cking t**t than John terrys bathroom mirror.

A man wanted to have sex with his secretary, he said to her, i will give you 1000 dollar i will throw it on the floor you will bend down and i will be through before you pick it. The woman called her husband on phone and told him about it. The husband says, ask him for 3000 dollar and make sure you pick the money fast before he zips down. After waiting for the wife's call about 1hr the husband calls and asked what hapened? the wife replied. Honey call me back please, The Idiot used Coins!!!

I took a girl back to my flat last night and we done it doggy style all night.We didn't plan it that way, that's just how she passed out.

I thought i'd be nice and buy the wife some lingerie."Thanks honey but this is a girls training bra" she said,"I know", i replied "i was hoping we could re-train yours, they're down to your knee's

Shall we go back to my place, then?" I asked the girl in the bar. "But I hardly know you!" she protested. I stared at her. "You've not been a prostitute for long have you?"

I called my ex today and she said, "Stop stalking me? I have a restraining order against you which says you aren't allowed within 50 metres of me.""I know. I just thought you might like a game of frisbee later

There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs 5% liked the look , 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence ......

In reply to Post #286

Apparently FIFA 13 is so realistic that if you start a season as Spurs, it's impossible to finish above Arsenal..

In reply to Post #286
quality

In reply to Post #288

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the
sign? It says, 'Private property - Keep Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball
there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then
walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe
every pr1ck should have two balls

In reply to Post #296

Mick Hucknalls been arrested after being caught sha..in a rabbit a police source said he was holding back the ears & singing bunnys 2 tight 2 mention

In reply to Post #298