The village doctor was about to retire and
a much younger doc came to take over, old
doc said come with me on my rounds and
meet some of the patients, in the 1st cottage
the woman complained about stomach pains,
old doc said try to eat less fruit then they left,
young doc said "you didn't examine her" how
did you reach that conclusion, old doc said
when I dropped my pen I saw a lot of banana
skins in the bin, in the next cottage the woman
said she was tired all the time, the young doc said
take it easy, do less for the church, when they
got out side old doc said I know that lady very
well and she is a church warden, but how did
you reach your decision, young doc said when
I dropped my pen I saw the vicar under the bed.
a much younger doc came to take over, old
doc said come with me on my rounds and
meet some of the patients, in the 1st cottage
the woman complained about stomach pains,
old doc said try to eat less fruit then they left,
young doc said "you didn't examine her" how
did you reach that conclusion, old doc said
when I dropped my pen I saw a lot of banana
skins in the bin, in the next cottage the woman
said she was tired all the time, the young doc said
take it easy, do less for the church, when they
got out side old doc said I know that lady very
well and she is a church warden, but how did
you reach your decision, young doc said when
I dropped my pen I saw the vicar under the bed.
Dear Marge
Yesterday my boyfriend said anal sex could relieve
constipation, I wasn't sure about that but after a long
chat I agreed to give it a go, so, we got down to it, he
shoved his spam ram into the chocolate box and
banged away for what felt like eternity, then he shot
his muck and pulled out, glad that was over, he phoned
me this morning to say it didn't work and he wants to
do it again, what should I do.
Sue Brown, West Yorkshire.
Yesterday my boyfriend said anal sex could relieve
constipation, I wasn't sure about that but after a long
chat I agreed to give it a go, so, we got down to it, he
shoved his spam ram into the chocolate box and
banged away for what felt like eternity, then he shot
his muck and pulled out, glad that was over, he phoned
me this morning to say it didn't work and he wants to
do it again, what should I do.
Sue Brown, West Yorkshire.
In reply to Post #2732
Crackers Jim
Crackers Jim
In reply to Post #2733
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, mounted the pavement wiped out 2 fences and a shed, and stopped inches away from a lady with a baby buggy. For a second everything went quiet, then the passenger said,
fcuk me your touchy I only tapped you on the shoulder to ask you something,
The driver said today is my first day as a cabbie I've been driving a hearse for the last 12 years.
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, mounted the pavement wiped out 2 fences and a shed, and stopped inches away from a lady with a baby buggy. For a second everything went quiet, then the passenger said,
fcuk me your touchy I only tapped you on the shoulder to ask you something,
The driver said today is my first day as a cabbie I've been driving a hearse for the last 12 years.
In reply to Post #2733
Crackers, yeah, thats me, hope your keeping well
Crackers, yeah, thats me, hope your keeping well
In reply to Post #2735
You be careful Jim having a sense of humour these days
You be careful Jim having a sense of humour these days
In reply to Post #2736
Heres 1 for ya Scozza, you can relate to this.
When a girl buys a Vibrator, it's cool, but when a guy buys that FcukMaster 5000 Pro Latex blow up doll, with the 6 spend pulsating self lubricating pussy with the non-drip collection nut tray with optional built in realistic orgasm 7.1 surround sound system, he's a perv, Just don't make sense to me.
Heres 1 for ya Scozza, you can relate to this.
When a girl buys a Vibrator, it's cool, but when a guy buys that FcukMaster 5000 Pro Latex blow up doll, with the 6 spend pulsating self lubricating pussy with the non-drip collection nut tray with optional built in realistic orgasm 7.1 surround sound system, he's a perv, Just don't make sense to me.
In reply to Post #2737
True story, once went into Pulse and Cocktails, some weird goings on in the mega store
After laughing at all the outfits, rubber fists, arms and what have you , the one that made me chuckle the most was a brown arse with an hole and two handles on the side, bit like a dinner tray, WTF
Imagine the wife catching you with that under the bed, all of a sudden the dildo looks like a teaspoon
True story, once went into Pulse and Cocktails, some weird goings on in the mega store
After laughing at all the outfits, rubber fists, arms and what have you , the one that made me chuckle the most was a brown arse with an hole and two handles on the side, bit like a dinner tray, WTF
Imagine the wife catching you with that under the bed, all of a sudden the dildo looks like a teaspoon
In reply to Post #2738
Cucumber`s are great for your memory 40 years ago someone shoved one up my m8s bum and he still remembers it
Dave and Carol came round for an evening of poker,
all was going well till I dropped a card, I went under
the table to pick it up and noticed Carol came commando
(no drawers), after a while we decided to have a break, I
went in to the kitchen followed by Carol, she said did you
see anything you liked under the table, yes I said, she said
you can have it for £50, I agreed and she said come round
Friday afternoon thats when Dave plays golf, Friday came,
she got Rogered I paid and left, Dave came home and asked
did Jim come round this afternoon, she sheepishly said yes,
and did he give you £50, she nodded, oh thats good, he came
by the club this morning to borrow £50 and he would pay it
back today.
Now that's a poker plater.
all was going well till I dropped a card, I went under
the table to pick it up and noticed Carol came commando
(no drawers), after a while we decided to have a break, I
went in to the kitchen followed by Carol, she said did you
see anything you liked under the table, yes I said, she said
you can have it for £50, I agreed and she said come round
Friday afternoon thats when Dave plays golf, Friday came,
she got Rogered I paid and left, Dave came home and asked
did Jim come round this afternoon, she sheepishly said yes,
and did he give you £50, she nodded, oh thats good, he came
by the club this morning to borrow £50 and he would pay it
back today.
Now that's a poker plater.
In reply to Post #2741
sign in a shop window
"We sell everything"
Paddy goes in and asks for a chicken jumper,
salesman says I'll go out the back and check,
comes back a few minutes later with a brown
paper bag, gives it to Paddy and says that will
be £6, Paddy pays and goes out, he stops
and looks into the bag, there is a condom and
nothing else, Paddy storms back into the shop
and says I asked for a chicken jumper, salesman
says sorry sir we are out of them, the closest
we have is a pullover for a cock.
sign in a shop window
"We sell everything"
Paddy goes in and asks for a chicken jumper,
salesman says I'll go out the back and check,
comes back a few minutes later with a brown
paper bag, gives it to Paddy and says that will
be £6, Paddy pays and goes out, he stops
and looks into the bag, there is a condom and
nothing else, Paddy storms back into the shop
and says I asked for a chicken jumper, salesman
says sorry sir we are out of them, the closest
we have is a pullover for a cock.
A woman knocked on the door today, She said she was collecting for a local swimming pool and would I like to contribute, so I gave her a bucket of water.
2 carp anglers called Dave and Stuart, are seated either side of a table in a
pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?
Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Dave: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Stuart: - What's that then?
Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Stuart: - Nope
Dave: - Well then, you're a ****er......
pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.
Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Dave: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Dave: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family?
Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Dave: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Dave: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Stuart: - What's that then?
Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Stuart: - Nope
Dave: - Well then, you're a ****er......
In reply to Post #2744
