In reply to Post #2690
Or watch this one. An American women is terrified after the Trump election debacle and screams into her phone, priceless!

Heavy Metal Karen

Not the best of drives from Tiger Woods, straight in the rough

A women has been married for a few years and visits her mother. During the conversation, she mentioned that there had been some problems "in the bedroom." "I've been married to your father for 30 years and so nothing nothing you say can shock me." she said. "Well" replied the daughter, "he wants to stick it in my other other hole." "That's disgusting" boomed the mother, "I hope you refused." "Oh, of course I did" replied the daughter, "I don't want a houseful of bloody kids!"

In reply to Post #2693
Love it, although I admit had to think about it a few moments

Oxford University commissioned a study to understand why the penis has a bulbous tip. After several years research and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to heighten the sexual pleasure gained by the male.

Not to feel left out, Cambridge University also commissioned a study and after several years and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to heighten the pleasure gained by the female.

The Jocks felt they had to chip in their two pennyworth and commissioned Glasgow University to conduct a study. After several years and many millions of pounds spent, they concluded it was to stop the male from smashing into his forehead!

In reply to Post #2
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument? - A bass drum.

In reply to Post #2683
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall - “Dam!”

In Ireland, a young kid sits sobbing his heart out on his doorstep. A man walks past as says "What's the matter child?" "It's me mam", the kid wails "She's just died." "Sweet mother of Jesus, that is bad news" replied the man, "Shall I call a priest?" "No, it's alright" replied the kid, "I'm pretty upset as it is and don't want a sore bum as well!"

In reply to Post #2698
Bloke goes to the sperm bank with his wife, they are trying for kids and he can't get her pregnant. He decides to go for some tests.

Doctor comes over “if you would like to go in the cubicle over there and get me a sample in this bottle we will get It analysed. There are some magazines on the side if you need them”

His wife and the doctor are waiting outside. After 10 minutes of banging and clattering and all kinds of moaning noises his wife knocks on the door “have you done it yet?

“No”he replies “go away and keep quite, I am trying to concentrate”

After another 5 minutes the doctor knocks on the door, “are you alright in there?

Go away he says, I am trying my best, they stood waiting...

After another 5 minutes the door finally flys open and he staggers out of the cubicle dripping in sweat.“Well doctor, i can't believe this, I've had it in my left hand, I've had it in my right hand, I have even had it in my mouth, I also trapped it in the gap of the door and I still can't get the lid off this ****ing bottle

In reply to Post #2
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out, then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an £80,000 mortgage and no ******* bike!"...

Boris Johnson...

In reply to Post #2702
Keir Starmer

In reply to Post #2703
3 bloke talking one said the fastest thing must be electricity because you switch the light switch and the light comes on straight away
2nd one says no its got to be sound thats the fastest you open your mouth say something and the sound is instant

the 3rd man say nope your both wrong its got to be Diarrhea thats the fastest
the other 2 laughed and said how do you explain that ?

well last night I woke up in the night with Diarrhea and before I could turn the light on or shout I had **** myself

A woman go's into a bar, throws her arm in the air showing very hairy armpits and shouts "who will buy a lady a drink", you could hear a pin drop, the drunk at the other end of the bar shouts "give the ballerina a drink", a while later she does the same again, throws her arm in the air and shouts "who will buy a lady a drink", the drunk calls the barman and says give the ballerina a drink, barman whispers to the drunk its your money and your choice but why do you call her a ballerina? drunk replies any woman that throw her legs that high must be a ballerina.