I had Audley Harrison in front until they rang the bell for the first round.

In reply to Post #1601

In reply to Post #1607

My boss called me in the office today, to have a word.
"Would you like to explain your self," he demanded.
I thought for a second, and then said,

"My name's Dave, I've got red hair, a bit chubby; I'm a 33 year old virgin, and I regularly w@nk over that photo of your daughter on your desk, when you are out for dinner"

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now completely nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!"
Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming, that was me..

In reply to Post #1613

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby girl.

"Congratulations!' says the nurse to the new parents. "Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new baby girl and says,

"Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name her Sum Ting Wong.

In reply to Post #1615

The wife and I were watching an old video of Emannuelle last night. Halfway through, she got up, winked, went off to the bedroom and came back a few moments later. She posed in the doorway wearing only black undies and suspenders, then purred "Don't I look just like Sylvia Kristel?"

"Mmmmmm," I replied, "you'd better get the vaseline, baby."

"No need," she smiled, "I'm already pretty excited...."

I said "it's to smear on my glasses."

All Liverpool fans can hope for is that Luis Suarez comes back even hungrier...

A Mother in law said to her daughter in law, when the baby was born i don't mean to be rude,but he looks nothing like my son,the daughter lifted up her skirt and said,i don't mean to be rude but this is fanny not a ******* photocopier.

I walked in the pub last night to see 2 big blokes in there 20s arm wrestling with a huge crowd cheering around them.

I walked over and said to them, "I could beat either of you two in arm wrestle, hands down."

"Dont make me laugh," one of them said. "You're about 60 years old."

"I know I am," I replied. "But I'm also a virgin."

In reply to Post #1620

My daughter went out on her first date yesterday, and I asked her how it went.

"Oh my god!" she said, "He was minging."

"In what way?" I said.

"He had greasy hair, manky teeth and really stinky breath."

"You never know, he might've been a really nice bloke," I replied.

"I know," she said, "But my standards are a lot higher than mum's were."

In reply to Post #1618
after a 10 game ban , he'll probbably die of starvation