In reply to Post #1047

After 15 years of marrige im pleased to announce that iv finally found the wifes cl1toris

Its on her sister

"What do you want from me for your birthday?" asked my nan, "It has to be cheap."

I said, "A blow job would be great."

"No chance," she replied.

I said, "A blow job is free, nan."

"A what job?" she asked

"A blow job!" I shouted in her ear.

"Oh, I thought you said a nose job," she laughed. "Pull your pants down then."

My wife said that she wants to take more risks in the bedroom.

So I've stuck tiny splinters of glass to all but one of her vibrators..

In reply to Post #1047

What will happen in the first lesbian divorce case?

How will both of them get three quarters of everything?

My doctor told me I was extremely sick today.

I only asked him to add another finger during the prostate examination

The government has passed a new bill in parliament.Now Gay men looking for a partner are entitled to more money.Its called the "Knobseekers Allowance". .

After my wife fainted, the nurse asked, "Is she afraid of needles?"

"No, it was because you told her she wouldn't be able to eat for 24 hours after it

In reply to Post #1057

My doctor has told me I have to stop eating Findus frozen meals.

I have to reduce my Shergar intake.

Viagra has been great for my sex life...

But my frequent need to urinate has stained my bathroom ceiling tiles piss yellow.

A girl with a fantastic figure started talking to me at a bar.

"Are you a student?" she asked me.

I said, "Yes,"

"That's great," she added. "What are you studying at the moment?"

"Your tits." I replied.

In reply to Post #1060

The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!". They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said "I know but she has a lovely personality!"