My little girl is getting bullied. I have to say, it's really sad. Just started secondary school and has got on the wrong side of a real nasty piece of work. My girl is really popular and this other girl isn't. It's a jealousy thing. The other girl is always in trouble at school, disruptive, rude, and generally just nasty. Her parents have admitted that she has anger issues but don't do anything about it. My little girl is so soft it's unbelievable. She would say boo to a goose. The school are involved but they can't seem to get on top of it. My little one never went in yesterday as the day before the bully and her gang singled her out and formed a ring around her while all the other kids started shouting fight fight fight fight. She said she thought she was going to get beaten up. The bell went and all the kids dispersed. She said “I was saved by the bell I guess”. I'm far from a weak man but I'm telling you, I could have cried. She says that she doesn't get to eat as she spends her time keeping out of the way. I have now told her that she is to punch the living daylights out of this piece of **** the next time this happens as I know this will stop it (the bully done this to another girl and got what for from her and it all stopped) but my girl says “I know but I just don't want to” so I said if you don't this will go on for the rest of your school days to which she replied “not going to have a good time then am I” and just walked away.
I'm so sad, I really couldn't begin to think how she feels inside. I'm one of these people who will raise my fists if needed. I have no fear and never have so I get quite frustrated with her as I see weakness and I don't want her to be that way but then that's what makes her who she is. She is a really nice kid. Really nice. Her younger sister is feral and would prob straighten this bully out on her first day if she went to that school but unfortunately she doesn't.
Has anyone else had these issues that may have some advice for us. How far does it need to go before the school has to kick her out? I feel a little bit sorry for the bully as well to be honest as I think she needs help.
I'm so sad, I really couldn't begin to think how she feels inside. I'm one of these people who will raise my fists if needed. I have no fear and never have so I get quite frustrated with her as I see weakness and I don't want her to be that way but then that's what makes her who she is. She is a really nice kid. Really nice. Her younger sister is feral and would prob straighten this bully out on her first day if she went to that school but unfortunately she doesn't.
Has anyone else had these issues that may have some advice for us. How far does it need to go before the school has to kick her out? I feel a little bit sorry for the bully as well to be honest as I think she needs help.
In reply to Post #1
Had it with my daughter in primary school, found schools pretty useless at dealing with it. Tbh learning to deal with it is part of growing up.
About 2 months after my daughter started karate the kid started, and backed down sharpish when confronted with a more confident version of my daughter. The confidence martial arts instill is the biggest factor.
I was gutted when she give it up at 14 (brown belt) but it had a huge impact on how she carries herself
Had it with my daughter in primary school, found schools pretty useless at dealing with it. Tbh learning to deal with it is part of growing up.
About 2 months after my daughter started karate the kid started, and backed down sharpish when confronted with a more confident version of my daughter. The confidence martial arts instill is the biggest factor.
I was gutted when she give it up at 14 (brown belt) but it had a huge impact on how she carries herself
In reply to Post #1
I'd definitely try to get her to do some kind of defensive lessons, whether it's boxing, karate etc.
I'd like to think that schools are on top of this type of thing but I don't believe they are.
Most important thing that you can do is to monitor your daughters behaviours because the last thing you need is for her mental health to deteriorate.
Good luck mate and hope that you can talk her into taking lessons in self defence.
One day I hope she gives the leader and all those poxy hangers on a good fcuking hiding.
I'd definitely try to get her to do some kind of defensive lessons, whether it's boxing, karate etc.
I'd like to think that schools are on top of this type of thing but I don't believe they are.
Most important thing that you can do is to monitor your daughters behaviours because the last thing you need is for her mental health to deteriorate.
Good luck mate and hope that you can talk her into taking lessons in self defence.
One day I hope she gives the leader and all those poxy hangers on a good fcuking hiding.
In reply to Post #1
Hello mate. I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter is being bullied. Secondary school can be really tough as cliques form and some of the mob mentality starts to manifest.
From a teacher's perspective, some things I'd suggest. Hope they help.
Don't advise her to punch anyone. It's a very long and drawn out process to have a student excluded from school but I can tell you that resorting to violence will only make that more likely for your girl rather than the bullies. As unjust as it sounds, it's unfortunately a simple standard. Your girl isn't the villain of the situation here and she mustn't make herself one by hitting another student.
Contact the pastoral year head at school and let them know of any and every incident. If the bully is building up a file of incidents, then this is really valuable in any discussion the school might have about a managed transfer to another school.
Keep an eye on your daughter's phone / social media for any aggressive texts or threats or intimidation. Bullying is an online beast for kids these days and can still be happening even when she's safe at home with you. Screen shot anything and everything and again, share with school. If it gets bad then it becomes evidence for police involvement which can be a very useful deterrent.
Keep talking to her about it. Sounds obvious, but she may go quiet on it all if it persists. If you keep checking with her and letting her know you are aware then she always has an outlet. Encourage her to find a member of staff at school who she trusts and can also talk to. School will have systems for recording bullying and it's a duty of care that we all sign up to follow up on.
Don't call it a weakness that she doesn't get into a fight. That won't help her self confidence. She can show a different kind of strength by doing the right thing and being supported in that. There's more than one way to stand up to bullies without stooping to their level. As said, the bully won't get kicked out for being smacked in the gob even if it's provoked.
Suggest an extra curricular activity that she could try to take her out of the current environment. If she's sporty, maybe there's lunchtime PE related stuff. If she's creative then Art or music or drama based. Just the change of place might get her away from the daily situation. Covid put a lot of restrictions on things but we're starting to get some normality back now.
Apology if this is all obvious or seems preachy. I'm just offering a bit of a pragmatic approach.
Hope she's OK. She clearly has a good dad who is looking out for her.
Hello mate. I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter is being bullied. Secondary school can be really tough as cliques form and some of the mob mentality starts to manifest.
From a teacher's perspective, some things I'd suggest. Hope they help.
Don't advise her to punch anyone. It's a very long and drawn out process to have a student excluded from school but I can tell you that resorting to violence will only make that more likely for your girl rather than the bullies. As unjust as it sounds, it's unfortunately a simple standard. Your girl isn't the villain of the situation here and she mustn't make herself one by hitting another student.
Contact the pastoral year head at school and let them know of any and every incident. If the bully is building up a file of incidents, then this is really valuable in any discussion the school might have about a managed transfer to another school.
Keep an eye on your daughter's phone / social media for any aggressive texts or threats or intimidation. Bullying is an online beast for kids these days and can still be happening even when she's safe at home with you. Screen shot anything and everything and again, share with school. If it gets bad then it becomes evidence for police involvement which can be a very useful deterrent.
Keep talking to her about it. Sounds obvious, but she may go quiet on it all if it persists. If you keep checking with her and letting her know you are aware then she always has an outlet. Encourage her to find a member of staff at school who she trusts and can also talk to. School will have systems for recording bullying and it's a duty of care that we all sign up to follow up on.
Don't call it a weakness that she doesn't get into a fight. That won't help her self confidence. She can show a different kind of strength by doing the right thing and being supported in that. There's more than one way to stand up to bullies without stooping to their level. As said, the bully won't get kicked out for being smacked in the gob even if it's provoked.
Suggest an extra curricular activity that she could try to take her out of the current environment. If she's sporty, maybe there's lunchtime PE related stuff. If she's creative then Art or music or drama based. Just the change of place might get her away from the daily situation. Covid put a lot of restrictions on things but we're starting to get some normality back now.
Apology if this is all obvious or seems preachy. I'm just offering a bit of a pragmatic approach.
Hope she's OK. She clearly has a good dad who is looking out for her.
In reply to Post #4
Thank you for this.
I know I need to hold back at times, I'm just so frustrated and really upset if I was honest. She is such a good girl, so chilled out, a pleasure to be with. She is a child who is far from being an Einstein and has to put in 110% everyday just to keep herself on track with where she should be but she does it. I'm so proud. I really worry that this will effect her schooling in general.
Confiding in a trusted teacher....... thank you for this, I will talk to her about it, I can see her wanting this kind of thing as she looks up to the teachers so I know that this will be easy for her.
Retaliation.........I know. I wish that I had never started this with her, she really doesn't want to retaliate, but I know she feels pressure to because of me. I feel a bit ashamed now. Life is one big learning curve and I have just been taught a lesson.
I have heard of other kids being bullied throughout my girls school life's but have never thought anymore of it as it's not my child. I know I will think differently from now on. I haven't come up against anything like this before in my life that has effected me like this, it almost feels like it's me that is getting bullied.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my post.
Thank you for this.
I know I need to hold back at times, I'm just so frustrated and really upset if I was honest. She is such a good girl, so chilled out, a pleasure to be with. She is a child who is far from being an Einstein and has to put in 110% everyday just to keep herself on track with where she should be but she does it. I'm so proud. I really worry that this will effect her schooling in general.
Confiding in a trusted teacher....... thank you for this, I will talk to her about it, I can see her wanting this kind of thing as she looks up to the teachers so I know that this will be easy for her.
Retaliation.........I know. I wish that I had never started this with her, she really doesn't want to retaliate, but I know she feels pressure to because of me. I feel a bit ashamed now. Life is one big learning curve and I have just been taught a lesson.
I have heard of other kids being bullied throughout my girls school life's but have never thought anymore of it as it's not my child. I know I will think differently from now on. I haven't come up against anything like this before in my life that has effected me like this, it almost feels like it's me that is getting bullied.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my post.
In reply to Post #3
I'd definitely try to get her to do some kind of defensive lessons, whether it's boxing, karate etc
Did the same with mine, Karate throughout her childhood and swimming, gives them something to focus on too
We had problems along the way, there are some horrible kids about and it's the mong parents to blame
As for schools sorting it out, good luck. Round and round with that one, it's common place. You need to be on to them all the time until they are sick of seeing you!
She needs to find likewise friends and try to keep away from them, although easier said then done
There are other ways to deal with these situations of course although they will not be seen as professional by some people, see the parents.
I'd definitely try to get her to do some kind of defensive lessons, whether it's boxing, karate etc
Did the same with mine, Karate throughout her childhood and swimming, gives them something to focus on too
We had problems along the way, there are some horrible kids about and it's the mong parents to blame
As for schools sorting it out, good luck. Round and round with that one, it's common place. You need to be on to them all the time until they are sick of seeing you!
She needs to find likewise friends and try to keep away from them, although easier said then done
There are other ways to deal with these situations of course although they will not be seen as professional by some people, see the parents.
In reply to Post #5
Glad to help mate. PM me any time if I can help at all.
Like I said, she's got a good dad who is looking out for her so she's already one step ahead.
Glad to help mate. PM me any time if I can help at all.
Like I said, she's got a good dad who is looking out for her so she's already one step ahead.
In reply to Post #6
Good luck with a school approach to bullying, you're going need it.
In reply to Post #9
Schools are often soft on bullies citing they are from disadvantage/ broken families and so reluctant to deal.
Schools are often soft on bullies citing they are from disadvantage/ broken families and so reluctant to deal.
In reply to Post #10
I wouldn't trust them to protect something so precious......It's a tough enough job as it is without extra demands placed on staff.
My lad was bullied whilst in primary school and though reluctant at first i used to do exercising with him to help get him fit and did some boxing with him.....Needless to say that after he had built up his confidence to stand up for himself the bully didn't come back for anymore and all because of the colour of his hair, which you can guess was ginger in which he hated it too. For someone to compound something to what he himself hated certainly meant he'd given the bully that bit extra.
Edit - As for the poster then certainly don't feel ashamed for wanting your daughter to stick up for herself.
I wouldn't trust them to protect something so precious......It's a tough enough job as it is without extra demands placed on staff.
My lad was bullied whilst in primary school and though reluctant at first i used to do exercising with him to help get him fit and did some boxing with him.....Needless to say that after he had built up his confidence to stand up for himself the bully didn't come back for anymore and all because of the colour of his hair, which you can guess was ginger in which he hated it too. For someone to compound something to what he himself hated certainly meant he'd given the bully that bit extra.
Edit - As for the poster then certainly don't feel ashamed for wanting your daughter to stick up for herself.
In reply to Post #5
Mate,
We've been through the same thing with my stepson. He's 14, 5'10" and built like a brick outhouse. My first thought was the same as yours but what Mal has said is the right thing to do.
The school have been fantastic and supported him the whole way and he is now flourishing to the point he took my advice of just embarrass them in front of their mates. My other half is a teacher at the school (she gives him no special treatment I may add)
Kid who'd been being billy big ******** said "i bet your ashamed your Mum works here". His response, not as ashamed as your mum was when you came out of her.
He got a cider that night as a well done lol
Mate,
We've been through the same thing with my stepson. He's 14, 5'10" and built like a brick outhouse. My first thought was the same as yours but what Mal has said is the right thing to do.
The school have been fantastic and supported him the whole way and he is now flourishing to the point he took my advice of just embarrass them in front of their mates. My other half is a teacher at the school (she gives him no special treatment I may add)
Kid who'd been being billy big ******** said "i bet your ashamed your Mum works here". His response, not as ashamed as your mum was when you came out of her.
He got a cider that night as a well done lol
Somebody a few years older gave me some **** at school. I nodded and played along...
Some years later my plan culminated in his missus often sniffing coke off my viagra enhanced genitals and dancing for cab fare home.
As demeaning as it may have been for for the young ‘lady', I get a warm feeling inside knowing I didn't resort to violence
*probably not a pearl of wisdom I will share with my 2 sons
Some years later my plan culminated in his missus often sniffing coke off my viagra enhanced genitals and dancing for cab fare home.
As demeaning as it may have been for for the young ‘lady', I get a warm feeling inside knowing I didn't resort to violence
*probably not a pearl of wisdom I will share with my 2 sons
In reply to Post #13
My doctor prescribed viagra for my sunburn
It doesn't help the redness but it does keep the sheets off my legs
My doctor prescribed viagra for my sunburn
It doesn't help the redness but it does keep the sheets off my legs
Always the bully that is looked upon as the one needing a arm around them whilst those that go about their own business get looked upon as the good ones that don't cause any mither. Makes me fcuking sick to think what some of these people who mind their own business go through when contemplating suicide and carrying it through.
Such a shame that there aren't more children around who could find the strength to stand up and give the bully a damned good smacking.
Remember when I was 18 years of age and there was a lad I knew ‘often go out in a group of us' who I was to start off with quite intimidated by him because he was older and fitter than me ‘I was pretty fat at the time'. Little did he realise that I'd started to go off the rails and it wasn't a good time when he started the bullying after a night out ending up in the chippy ‘told me what he was having to eat and that I was paying for it'. I found the strength to tell him that if he didn't shut the fcuk up then I'd give you a beating and dip your face into the fat fryer...,,,Nice as pie ‘pukka lol' afterwards.
Such a shame that there aren't more children around who could find the strength to stand up and give the bully a damned good smacking.
Remember when I was 18 years of age and there was a lad I knew ‘often go out in a group of us' who I was to start off with quite intimidated by him because he was older and fitter than me ‘I was pretty fat at the time'. Little did he realise that I'd started to go off the rails and it wasn't a good time when he started the bullying after a night out ending up in the chippy ‘told me what he was having to eat and that I was paying for it'. I found the strength to tell him that if he didn't shut the fcuk up then I'd give you a beating and dip your face into the fat fryer...,,,Nice as pie ‘pukka lol' afterwards.