What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you pull the skin off an onion.
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How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Just one, but you got to feed him through real slow.

In reply to Post #1800
Re: Martin's post 'I have a Scottish friend';. In Canada, almost the entire country was at one time owned by the Hudson's Bay Company, who brought bond servants and peasants from the Orkneys to work in it's Northern Stores. In 1972, 300 years after they started, when I worked up there they were still doing it, (clerks had to work off their plane fare and expenses). Relevance?, there are an incredible number of Native Canadians named Harper, Flett, Mackay, etc. There may be more Native Canadians named John Harper than Scots. Bannock is the staple bread of most First Nations in Canada as well, and unless I'm wrong a good bit of the States. Sorry no joke, next time!

In reply to Post #1664
First Thatcher dies, then Fergie retires... somewhere there's a scouser with a dirty old lamp and one wish left.

In reply to Post #1
[From the old thread] Our sex life was waning, so I said to the wife we should try a little role-playing to spice things up a bit. I said, "Would you like to play a rape game?" She said "No way!" I said, "That's the spirit!"

In reply to Post #1
I saw a big girl wearing a t-shirt that said Guess. I said, "Thyroid problem?"

In reply to Post #1
Stephen Hawking returned from his first date in 10 years with a black eye, bruises, scrapes, and a twisted ankle. Apparently she stood him up.

In reply to Post #1
I saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap.

In reply to Post #565
Latest football results: Real Madrid - 1 Surreal Madrid - fish