In reply to Post #1400
Told the wife, "My new job is having sex live on stage."
She said, "Are you having me on?"
I replied, "I'll ask, but so far they've all been thin & pretty
She said, "Are you having me on?"
I replied, "I'll ask, but so far they've all been thin & pretty
For a week, me and my mate decided to speak and act like we do on social networks.
We would say things like, "Steve likes this" or "Hashtag amazing".
It was all fun until he caught me outside his sister's room furiously masturbating.
We would say things like, "Steve likes this" or "Hashtag amazing".
It was all fun until he caught me outside his sister's room furiously masturbating.
My wife said she wanted bigger t1ts. I said "get some toilet paper and rub it in between ya t1ts every morning". She said "Dont be daft, how's that gonna work?" I said "Well you have been doing the same to ya @rse all y life and look at the size of that!
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fcuking talking aren't you?
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fcuking talking aren't you?
In reply to Post #1408
4 goodens their sik
4 goodens their sik
In reply to Post #1407
In reply to Post #1407
This guy walks into a bar and sees a lady sitting by herself. He goes over and buys her and drink and they chat a while and he leaves with her to go to her place. They are in the middle of having a good time when he hears a noise at the door and she says "It's my husband home for lunch... quick, hide in the closet!" So he does.
He's standing in the closet when he hears this small voice... "Gee, it's dark in here". He looks around trying to find out where it came from when he hears it again... "Gee, it's dark in here..."
He quickly whispers "Shhhh, who are you?"
The little voice says "That's my mommy and daddy out there, gee, it's dark in here, I'm scared, I'm gonna scream."
The man whispers back "No, PLEASE don't scream. I'll give you five dollars if you don't scream."
The little boy answers "Gee, it's dark in here, I'm pretty scared, I'm gonna scream..."
"I'll give you ten dollars if you don't scream."
"Gee, it's dark in here, I'm REALLY scared, I'm gonna scream..."
The guy says "Look kid, here's FIFTY dollars, it's all I have, don't scream."
"Ok." the kid whispers quietly.
So the guy waits in the closet till he hears the husband finish lunch and as soon as he hears the door close he runs out of the closet and jumps out the window and runs down the street. Later that afternoon, the lady is out shopping with her son at the mall when he sees a bike in the toy store window and says to his mom "Gee, I'd REALLY like that bike."
"Sorry, I can't afford to buy you a bike."
The kid says, "That's ok, I can buy it myself, I have fifty dollars."
She pulls him aside and asks him "WHERE did you get fifty dollars?"
"I'll never tell."
"You BETTER tell me where you got that money."
"I'll never tell."
"You must have done something bad to get that money. I'm taking you to church and you can tell the priest how you got that money in confession." So she does.
The little boy is in the confessional and the door closes and he says "Gee, it's dark in here..."
And the priest answers "Now let's not start THAT fcuking sh1t again
He's standing in the closet when he hears this small voice... "Gee, it's dark in here". He looks around trying to find out where it came from when he hears it again... "Gee, it's dark in here..."
He quickly whispers "Shhhh, who are you?"
The little voice says "That's my mommy and daddy out there, gee, it's dark in here, I'm scared, I'm gonna scream."
The man whispers back "No, PLEASE don't scream. I'll give you five dollars if you don't scream."
The little boy answers "Gee, it's dark in here, I'm pretty scared, I'm gonna scream..."
"I'll give you ten dollars if you don't scream."
"Gee, it's dark in here, I'm REALLY scared, I'm gonna scream..."
The guy says "Look kid, here's FIFTY dollars, it's all I have, don't scream."
"Ok." the kid whispers quietly.
So the guy waits in the closet till he hears the husband finish lunch and as soon as he hears the door close he runs out of the closet and jumps out the window and runs down the street. Later that afternoon, the lady is out shopping with her son at the mall when he sees a bike in the toy store window and says to his mom "Gee, I'd REALLY like that bike."
"Sorry, I can't afford to buy you a bike."
The kid says, "That's ok, I can buy it myself, I have fifty dollars."
She pulls him aside and asks him "WHERE did you get fifty dollars?"
"I'll never tell."
"You BETTER tell me where you got that money."
"I'll never tell."
"You must have done something bad to get that money. I'm taking you to church and you can tell the priest how you got that money in confession." So she does.
The little boy is in the confessional and the door closes and he says "Gee, it's dark in here..."
And the priest answers "Now let's not start THAT fcuking sh1t again
In reply to Post #1412
As we watched 'Jurassic Cock', my wife commented, "I wish you were hung like Ron Jeremy."
I replied, "Seeing as I'm stuck fukcing you for the rest of my life, I wish I was hung like Michael Hutchence."
I replied, "Seeing as I'm stuck fukcing you for the rest of my life, I wish I was hung like Michael Hutchence."
I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.
"Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said.
"But Dad, I'm 18," he protested.
"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me w@nk
"Alright Mathew, it's about time you went to bed," I said.
"But Dad, I'm 18," he protested.
"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me w@nk
In reply to Post #1405
The Dr put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night, its awesome!!! It doesn't matter what position we are in, nothing wakes her
In reply to Post #1415