As we laid in bed I dipped my finger into the wife's fanny.

She got a bit upset and said can't you just lick your finger to turn the page.

I haven't washed my van for a few weeks now. I caught a tramp writing a message on it this morning.

It said, "I wish my wife was this clean

I have lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.

I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly

In reply to Post #757

What's the best way to kill a rapist?




Well according to Alex Ferguson....its tapping him on the head with a football.

In reply to Post #761

Paul Daniels has revealed that, 40 years ago he picked up a hitchhiker and kissed her intimately only to discover she was a schoolgirl. He has therefore escaped 4 decades of prison and a media hate campaign.

Now *that's* magic!!

In reply to Post #764

In reply to Post #764

I can't wait to unwrap and open 'Footballers' Cluedo' tomorrow.

I bet it was 'Ashley Williams' in 'The Liberty Stadium' with 'The Ball'.

In reply to Post #767

Breaking news; FA to introduce sponge footballs and safety helmets after van Persie near death experience.

What is white, the size of a smartie and can induce a cardiac arrest in a 74 year old man within one second?

Paul Daniels door bell

In reply to Post #770

In reply to Post #770