I was chatting to the girl sitting next to me on the train this morning.For some reason, I couldn't understand a single word that was coming out of her tits

My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.

I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.

As she got in I asked, "How much for a blow job?"

She said, "Thirty quid."

I said, "Can you do twenty?"

"Yeah, okay" she replied.

I said, "Great, here's £600 then."

Took the wife dogging last night.. Never again by the time she finìshed parking everyone else had ****ed off.

In reply to Post #52
your joke is sick mate

A bloke phones up his local council office and says, 'I have just raped a fat ginger bird.' The council woman says, 'You should phone the police to confess.' The man replies, 'I don't want to confess, I want you to fix the ****ing lights in the park.'

In reply to Post #55

In reply to Post #54
but very funny

In reply to Post #54
Its a very fine line that people walk on this thread,and a lot more than that joke could be deemed as sick .This makes moderating the thread quite tricky,and to be honest it would be easier to close the thread.
Instead we have put up a post 1000 and hope that the line isnt crossed,so that leaves a couple of options.
If anyone posts joke and you find it offensive, please pm a moderator and we will suppress it .The only other options are individual bans or locking the thread,so please think before posting and hopefully we wont have any issues.

In reply to Post #58
if people dont like the jokes in this thread , then maybe they shouldn't read it

In reply to Post #58
I was gonna have a right old rant about having a joke removed!! It is what it is...a joke...nobody has died!!! If you think you are going to be possibly offended then don't look in this thread....any person could be offended by any of the jokes here....I'm more offended by some of the prices in the classifieds....what used to be a funny, harmless bit of humour has been spoilt....rant over...goodnight

I was in a nightclub last night & i saw this hot bird across the dancefloor, i beckoned her over with my index finger."Yes, can i help you?" she smiledI said "well I've just made you come with one finger, just think what i could do with my whole hand"

In reply to Post #61
As an ex moderater on here it was me who reported the last thread due to the racist jokes.
I think those who are moaning need to realise that this is a carp forum and all members have been asked to refrain from posting jokes that can be deemed offensive.I have a sick sense of humour myself but the jokes I recieve mostly from friends via mobile phone I find could be deemed offensive I don't post here.I do this for various reasons but mostly for the following three¦
It may upset someone.
The moderators have posted asking not to.
But the most important one is I know its wrong.

Any one with half a brain cell should know what may cause offence and I for one don't want people to start saying that carpforum has dropped its standards and is allowing racist and pedophile jokes on its forum.

If you want to read sick jokes then there's plenty of other sites out there

In reply to Post #62
I would also add that to those who don't know me may think I'm a total nerd by the last post .But for those that do will assure you that I am not I hope.