Tony blackburn was invited to a pool party.When he turned up he had Jimmy Savile and Gary Glitter with him.The host said to Blackburn,"you deaf b-----d,i said bring a pair of speedos!!"

In reply to Post #501

Just bought the wife some crotchless knickers for Halloween. Nothing sexual. Just gives her a much better grip on her broomstick.

In reply to Post #501

Woman finds her hubby in bed with a female midget! furious, she screams 'You promised you wouldn't cheat again!' Husband says 'Can't you see I've cut down

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky"...

My mate was in the pub going on about the amazing sex he had last night with his girlfriend.

''Oh,she was a real dirty bitch,wanted it every way"

I well and truely smashed her back doors in.

Unfortunately for him she overheard his boasting whilst making her way back to the table.

''Excuse me love,with a dick that small,it felt more like you were just picking the lock''.

In reply to Post #508
I think I might have put my clocks back a bit too far. I've just seen on the news that Gary Glitter has been arrested for being a paedophile.

In reply to Post #509
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says,"This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache"
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

I shouted up the stairs to my 10 year old daughter,

"Grab the dirty washing off my bedroom floor, make sure you get it all this time, it's not hard!"

"The sock next to your side of the bed is." she replied.

if Mark Clattenburg did indeed make a racist remark then chelsea will be left with no option but to make him captain

Police have spoken to Freddie starrs 34 year old fiancee and she has said she has never had reason to think he was a paedophile in all their 25 years together

Mark Clattenburg reported by chelsea for "inappropriate Language" Apparently he called Torres a striker.

In reply to Post #514
The Mayor of New York has said that the Halloween Parade will still go ahead as planned. In fact he says he is expecting a record number of floats

Went to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween, the girl brought me a Chelsea shirt, I said I think you misheard me, I said I want to look like a Count.