Jimmy saville's last request was that after his death his ashes were to be put into an etch-a-sketch so that kids can still fiddle with his kn-b

heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night,moaning,groaning & banging the headboard off the wall.
Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over,cracked her head & was knocking on wall with her stick for help.........feel a bit guilty about that w--k now!

My wife being the romantic sort,just sent me a text.........if you are sleeping.....send me your dreams.......if you are laughing.....send me your smile,if you are eating.......send me a bit,if you are drinking.....send me a sip,if you crying ....send me your tears,i love you x...i replied.....l am having a sh-t.What should i do?

In reply to Post #469

In reply to Post #474

paddy says 2 Murphy "have u seen the news" 3 cliff walkers have fallen 2 their deaths"!!! unbelievable said Murphy,cant believe they all had the same name

In reply to Post #477
got my halloween outfit.blonde wig,tracksuit,gold chain and cigar,that should scare the little f--kers

In reply to Post #469

I met a girl in the bar one night and after we talked for a while she started rubbing my leg and said wow you are a big lad arnt you ...well i like to think so ......now this girl had the sort of lips that you would imagine her to be able to suck a golf ball through 800 yds of garden hose. I later found out that she was from a showmans family . When we left the pub she said shall we go back to mine for sum fun ...ohhh yess .....i wnet on the dodgems twice the waltzers three times wild mouse twice and spent an hour in the haunted mansion....i was f...ed after all that

In reply to Post #480
Picture edited slightly as the swear filter cannot.
but i am sure you get the drift

How many times have we been 'up there without one!'

My work is done here.

In reply to Post #474
Just read this one to my wife and she thinks it sums up our relationship - bless her lol

In reply to Post #482
Ditto

Four words to dread hearing after sex....."howz about that then"

In reply to Post #477
just spat cheese n crackers at me lap top

I was standing in a bar and this little chinese guy comes in the pub,stands next to me and starts drinking.
I said to him "do you know any of those martial arts things like kung fu karate or ju-jitsu? He says "no why the f--k you ask me dat? is it coz i chinese? No i said its because you're drinking my pint you little c--t.