In reply to Post #394

In reply to Post #394

In reply to Post #388

In reply to Post #394
gud un lad!!

In reply to Post #394

old one but still worthy..


Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" say
s Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".

"Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
I kicked her in the face."

John Reilly was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahea
d of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly.
John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling
everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Reilly sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...

Look frank... there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it....

Oops!

JD Sports are doing Jimmy Saville memorial tracksuits..

They have an adult size top but you have to squeeze into kids bottoms.

If there was a competition for saggy tits, my wife would beat everyone.

In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them.

The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.

I will not have a bad word said about Jimmy Saville. When I was a boy he fixed it for me to go on a camping trip with Gary Glitter.

The Pope went to Northern Ireland. He asked Paddy what he thought of County Down, he replied - it's been ***** since Carol Vorderman left.

In reply to Post #407
Sorry mods didnt see the swear word in that joke

Now then! Now then! What has jimmy saville and acne got in common ? They both come on a girls face when she's 14....... How's about that then?!