Man teases his ex-wife's new husband: "So, dude how was the second-hand Stuff?"
New husband: "Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new

One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and under the bed she found a bondage-S&M magazine. Highly upset she showed it to her husband.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!"

In reply to Post #318
some crackers their mate

In reply to Post #322

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty."Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside."Do these excite you?" she asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk."Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her!

3 woman sat drinking& talking about sexy pet names they have for their husbands.
1st one says, I call mine, The dentist because he knows how to drill and fill me.
2nd one says,I call mine, the miner, cause of his long dark shaft.
3rd one says, I call mine, the postman. The other 2 woman smile and ask why? She replys, cause his sacks are always full, he takes ages to come & if he can't deliver at the front, he'll try round the back!

In reply to Post #322
haaaaaaaaaaa

In reply to Post #326
What's a good friendship and a nice sandwich got in common? both completely ruined once you put your penis in it

In reply to Post #324

In reply to Post #327
haha i like that

In reply to Post #324

In reply to Post #325

Two couples on holiday, and husbands Paul and Dave decide to try and get their ladies to wife swap. Amazingly they agree but Paul knows his wife is on her time of the month so he's got one up on Dave. They agree that at breakfast they'll tap the spoon on the table however many times they shagged the other's missus. Next morning Paul grins and taps twice, looks across at Dave who smiles then taps once on the jam and three times on the Nutella!

"A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar."That's very rude!" one of them said, "Just for that you can buy ours! That'll be two margaritas.""And two cheese and tomato pizzas for these fat cu*ts please."

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'The guy left. A few days later, the same guy....'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How lo
ng before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .The guy left.The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back. 'A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves? 'Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!'!!