Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far
during the Olympics that they would like to take back:
......
1. Weight-lifting commentator:

'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
......
2. Dressage commentator:

'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her m
other.'
......
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast:

'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
.....
4. Boxing Analyst:

'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
......
5. Softball announcer:

'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'

......
6. Basketball analyst:

'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
......
7. At the rowing medal ceremony:

'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
.....
8. Soccer commentator:

'Julian D1cks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven D1cks on the field.'
.....
9. Tennis commentator:

'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

if ever one day you feel down and out and think that life couldn't get any worse..just remember, YOU were once the strongest, fastest little sperm

After 100 years at the bottom of the Atlantic Irish divers were amazed that the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full

I got in touch with my inner self today.Thats the last time i buy Tesco value toilet roll.

Man pinches wife's breasts and says if we firm these up we can get rid of the bra. Wife grabs his penis & says if we firm this up we can get rid of the milkman

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes. Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAF.CKA!".

In reply to Post #309

Some sl.g was giving me a hand job last night. "You're really good at this," I said, "what's your secret?" "Years of practice," she giggled."You've done this to loads of guys then? I asked."No" came the reply, "my name used to be Derek."

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.

“Great!” the husband says, “did he give you the $800 he owes me?”

When the Pope toured Ireland he was asked what he thought of County Down.. he said "It's not the same since Carol Vordeman left"..

In reply to Post #313

In reply to Post #1
Is not every joke offensive in some way or another ? its not meant to hurt anyone,its just a JOKE !!! its funny and it makes people laugh,it should not be taken seriously

A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.

Nice one Philip, that'll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash.

Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their hands Shook.
The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a p1ss yesterday, I came three times

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window..
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time