I called my ex today and she said, "Stop stalking me? I have a restraining order against you which says you aren't allowed within 50 metres of me.""I know. I just thought you might like a game of frisbee later

There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs 5% liked the look , 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence ......

In reply to Post #286

Apparently FIFA 13 is so realistic that if you start a season as Spurs, it's impossible to finish above Arsenal..

In reply to Post #286
quality

In reply to Post #288

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the
sign? It says, 'Private property - Keep Out!'"
The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball
there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then
walks back and throws it into the yard.
The man says, "What is that for?"
The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe
every pr1ck should have two balls

In reply to Post #296

Mick Hucknalls been arrested after being caught sha..in a rabbit a police source said he was holding back the ears & singing bunnys 2 tight 2 mention

In reply to Post #298

In reply to Post #298

In reply to Post #300
Paddy and Murphy go to a fancy dress party
And the theme is emotions
People are dressed as 'rage', fear' and 'happiness'

Paddy is naked apart from having his dick stuck in a Pear
Murphy is also naked with his dick in a bowlful of custard

'So what have you two come as ?' asks someone

Paddy says 'I'm deep in despair'
Murphy says ' I'm fuc@ing disgusted'

"Does this dress make me look slutty?" Asked my girlfriend in the shop changing room.I just rolled my eyes and shared an ironic look with her husband

Apparently Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Yeah, must be a pain in the a..e having random strangers turn up at your door

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral, a voice from inside screams:
"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"
The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters:
"Too fooking late pal, I've already done the paperwork"
What goes round, comes around