Boy
Mum, is it bad to have a penis?
Mum
No it isn't, why do you ask.
Boy
Dad's upstairs trying to pull his off.
Mum, is it bad to have a penis?
Mum
No it isn't, why do you ask.
Boy
Dad's upstairs trying to pull his off.
Janet Street Porter goes into a bar and says "I'd like a large aperitif". The barman says, "I'd seriously doubt it luv!".
Today I thought I'd go for a game of golf at my local golf club, and a woman playing golf hits me near by
She rushes over to me and I am rolling on the the ground, screaming!! In pain with my hands between my legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve my pain. Since she is a doctor, I agreed, She gently moves my hands to my side, and unzips my zipper and puts her hands inside, She massages me tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
I replied: "It feels great! but I still think my thumb is broken".
She rushes over to me and I am rolling on the the ground, screaming!! In pain with my hands between my legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve my pain. Since she is a doctor, I agreed, She gently moves my hands to my side, and unzips my zipper and puts her hands inside, She massages me tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
I replied: "It feels great! but I still think my thumb is broken".
Ive just seen on Sky Sports that Everton cannot sell any tickets whatsoever this season....
They havent been sanctioned, they just cant sell any tickets
They havent been sanctioned, they just cant sell any tickets
In reply to Post #2714
I know some people are very worried about the rising cost of petrol, but it doesn't bother me too much as I always just put £30 in ...
I know some people are very worried about the rising cost of petrol, but it doesn't bother me too much as I always just put £30 in ...
A guy goes to India for a penis transplant, it was
recommended that he has the baby elephant trunk,
a few weeks later he was in a restaurant with
his new girlfriend, he feels a happy movement in his
under crackers, YES, he thinks tonight could be
the night, then all of a sudden his Hampton burst
out of his pants shoots up onto the table takes an
apple and goes back down, WOW says the girl,
can you do that again, yes he says my old chap
can but my arse cant take another apple.
recommended that he has the baby elephant trunk,
a few weeks later he was in a restaurant with
his new girlfriend, he feels a happy movement in his
under crackers, YES, he thinks tonight could be
the night, then all of a sudden his Hampton burst
out of his pants shoots up onto the table takes an
apple and goes back down, WOW says the girl,
can you do that again, yes he says my old chap
can but my arse cant take another apple.
In reply to Post #2716
Crackers
Crackers
I kid asks his mum and dad why they decided to name his sister Teresa. "We'll", replied his dad, "both me and your mother both really love easter and teresa is an anagram of easter". "Anyway, whats with all the questions Alan?"
I was walking the dog today, around a nice country village, and noticed a beautiful cottage with a for sale sign in the garden...... as I was admiring the cottage the current owner came out, and i asked if i could look round......
He replied you look round enough to me you fat tw@t
He replied you look round enough to me you fat tw@t
Was in B&Q earlier on today, and some c*nt in an orange apron asked if i wanted decking.....luckily enough i got the first few punches in
A boy asks his dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”
dad says, “I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pound. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pound. Then come back and tell me what you've learned.”
The boy asks his mother. “Mum, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”
“Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would.”
He then asks his sister, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”
She replies, Definitely!
The boy goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I've worked it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million pound, but in reality, we are living with two sluts.
dad says, “I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pound. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pound. Then come back and tell me what you've learned.”
The boy asks his mother. “Mum, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”
“Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would.”
He then asks his sister, if someone gave you a million pound, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”
She replies, Definitely!
The boy goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I've worked it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million pound, but in reality, we are living with two sluts.
A woman stopped me in the street and asked
"do you want to buy a ticket for the police mans ball"
I said sorry luv I don't dance, she said "its a raffle".
"do you want to buy a ticket for the police mans ball"
I said sorry luv I don't dance, she said "its a raffle".
2 guys in court for dealing drugs for the 1st time, judge says
I'll give you a chance to prove you will not do it again, go out
this weekend and see how many people you can get to stop
taking drugs and I will see you both back here on Monday,
back in court the judge asks the 1st guy what kind of weekend
did you have, he said pretty good I got 17 to stop
taking drugs, judge says thats good how did you do that,
I drew 2 circles 1 small and 1 big, I told them that when you start
taking drugs your brain is the big one and after tacking drugs your
brain is the small one, well done says the judge, then asks the 2nd guy
how about you, he said I got 138 to stop, judge says wow what did
you do, I did the same with 2 circles and told them the small one
is your ass when you go to prison and.....
I'll give you a chance to prove you will not do it again, go out
this weekend and see how many people you can get to stop
taking drugs and I will see you both back here on Monday,
back in court the judge asks the 1st guy what kind of weekend
did you have, he said pretty good I got 17 to stop
taking drugs, judge says thats good how did you do that,
I drew 2 circles 1 small and 1 big, I told them that when you start
taking drugs your brain is the big one and after tacking drugs your
brain is the small one, well done says the judge, then asks the 2nd guy
how about you, he said I got 138 to stop, judge says wow what did
you do, I did the same with 2 circles and told them the small one
is your ass when you go to prison and.....
In reply to Post #2722
In reply to Post #2723
Crackers Jim, nice to see somebody with a sense of humour, jokes seem to be a thing of the past sadly
Crackers Jim, nice to see somebody with a sense of humour, jokes seem to be a thing of the past sadly