I got a new deodorant today, the instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. Now I can hardly walk, but my farts smell awesome...

In reply to Post #256

In reply to Post #261
Paddy buys the new automatic BMW...
He drives the car perfectly well during the day,
but at night it just won't move at all
he tries driving the car at night for a week but still
no luck.
He then furiously calls the BMW dealer,
the technician asks, "Sir, you are sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger Paddy replies, " What do you take for an idiot!!? I use D for the day and N for the night

In reply to Post #1
Liam Gallagher, Russell Brand, George Michael, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell....

it's a good job they don't do drug tests for the closing ceremony.

In reply to Post #263
Belarusian shot put gold medallist Nadzeya Ostapchuk has tested positive for a banned substance.

Testicles.

In reply to Post #263

Robin Van Persie and Wayne rooney will now be known as ... Fatman and Robin

Believe it or not, i do actually have better things to do with my wednesday evenings!

A little old lady answers a knock at her door to be greeted by a vacuum cleaner salesman. Before she has a chance to speak, the man tips a bucket full of steaming hot dog sh1t over her carpet and says, "Madam if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of that dog sh1t from your carpet, i will eat what's left" "Well" she says "I hope you are f.....g hungry because the electricity was cut off this morning

In reply to Post #269

Old framer writes to his son in prison;
Dear son,this year i wont be able to plant potatoes because i cant dig the field by myself,i know if you were here ,you would help me .
The son writes back;dad don't even think of digging the field because that's were i buried the money i stole.
The police read the letter and the next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The following day the son wrote again......Now plant your potatoes dad.......its the best i can do from here.