In reply to Post #2470
There's an Englishman , Irishman ,Scotsman and normally a Welshman but he's still in France

Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside! Do you think I should change dentists?

In reply to Post #2472
I met our postman at the gate the other day, I don't know what surprised him more, the fact that I was naked or the fact that I knew where he lived

In reply to Post #2473
Paddy opens Micks fridge and asks him why he keeps a empty bottle of milk in their.
In case somebody wants a black coffe you thick **** was his reply

In reply to Post #1
My missus left me because of my obsession with the footy , bitch , we'd been together ten seasons

In reply to Post #2
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it at dinner.

'Son, where were you today?'

Son says 'at school dad.'

Robot slaps the son!

'Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!'

'What dvd?'

'Toy story.'

Robot slaps the son again!

'Ok, it was a porno' cries the son.

'What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was' says the dad.

Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'

Robot slaps the mum!

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

My neighbor just confronted me about stuff going missing from her washing line ,
**** me , I nearly sh1t her pants

Went to my first Isis birthday party today , musical chairs was a bit slow but **** me pass the parcel weren't half quick .

In reply to Post #2480
brill

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

Paddy is holding down a good job at The Natural History museum then one day a Yank said hey buddy what is that? paddy replied that boss is a Mammoth it's very old, really, how old is it? this one is 4 million years 8 months, Wow said the yank, how can they get the age so accurate? well said paddy it was 4 million years old when I got the job and I've been hear 8 months now.

Mick O'Reilly raised his beer glass and said "here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me lovely wife", he won the best toast of the night, went home and told the wife, aye did you now, what was the toast? "here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife", next day the wife bumps into one of Mick's drinking pals, hello Mary he chuckles I see Mick won the best toast of the night and it was about you, yes she said though I'm a bit surprised he's only been in there twice in the last 4 years, the first time I had to pull his ear to make him come and the second he fell asleep.

Jack Wiltshire has fallen out of the transfer window and will be out for four months