How unlucky is my mate , he went in hospital today to have his tonsils out and some ****er turned the trolley round

In reply to Post #2456
Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading This..

You hang in there......



Tel

In reply to Post #2456

I said to my missus this morning , you look just like a saint "
She said , "ohh , do I really "
I said yeah, a ****ing Saint Bernard

In reply to Post #2459

In reply to Post #2460
Thinking of selling my hoover, its just collecting dust.

In reply to Post #2461
my sister had big problems being a kleptomaniac , when it was too much for her she would take something for it.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.”

A daughter asked her mother, "how do you spell 'scrotum'?" mum replied, " you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.

2 girls at the cinema watching a film.......after a while one girl turns to the other and says ere the bloke next to me is playing wiv imself..........oh just ignore him..........I can't he's using my hand.

A blokes fat wife walks into the kitchen and says , didn't you just hear me fall down the stairs ?
He says , sorry love , I thought you were watching the start of east Enders

In reply to Post #2466
boom boom ......boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

Barbara was lying in bed one night. Fred was falling asleep but Barb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Barb asked..

"To get my teeth!"

In reply to Post #2466

In reply to Post #2469
Word has it that the Welsh have found another use for their sheep. .....it's called wool.